Breaking Down Bulls' Rookie Patrick Williams's Decision To Buy A 2-Door BMW

First off this may not seem like a big deal but that's just because you weren't around when Jay Williams wrapped his motorcycle around a light post in Lincoln Park. These are the Baby Bulls. We celebrate small victories and that includes the foresight from our #4 pick to make safe, reliable decisions with respect to personal transportation. 

Fuck your crotch rocket. 

Now a lot of people are wondering if those tires are prepared for snow fall. People thinking he will struggle throughout the winter. But honestly those people are clearly not from Chicago. Anyone in this city talking about snow tires is an idiot. Chicago plows snow better than anybody except for Buffalo. Anything that has to do with infrastructure & public works, we knock out of the absolute fucking park. I'm not going to blame that on our rich history of corruption but let's just say we hand out a lot of 3rd party contracts. When this city presents an opportunity to make money, we thrive. It's the public service stuff that falls apart but I digress. 

That's why I'm fine with the high performance coupe. This isn't the backwoods of Wisconsin people. We have salt for the streets and people to distribute it. 

Now if you want to talk 2-doors? I'll agree that's just a psychopath move. Bright side is more leg room for the driver. Down side is you don't have room for the boys. Maybe not a consideration when you're filling out the garage. But your first car? You want room for the boys. I did 3 semesters at Illinois with a '96 Chevy Suburban. The square footage is a game changer. 

But if he's just driving to practice, who really gives a fuck? It's not like he's parking off a side street in Humboldt Park, subject to snowfall and local dibs customs. This things in Coby White's garage probably getting oiled and lotioned like a pair of Wendy Peffercorn milkers. I don't think he needs to worry about the snow. 

Coloring, you can't beat Bulls red if you play for the Bulls. Call me a sucker, I'm just forever changed by MJ's red Range Rover. That was so sweet, which you can personally hear about from Jeffrey Jordan on Red Line Radio here

Safety ratings are probably though the roof, and hopefully he bought it from one of those super rich and fancy Italian dealerships that's too good for you or me. I like having those guys around town. Warranties you can trust. Expertise you can rely on. 

Final score 7.8 which leaves a lot of room on the table but same time that's a phenomenal starter for a man that plans on spending a lot of time alone in the gym. Less room means he can never be the guy driving everyone around at night. The color is so rich and tasty. It's a good start Patrick. I'm enjoying where this is going.