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I Wish I Never Learned How Much Money Robert Quinn Gets Paid Per Snap Played

Did you guess Thirty Four Thousand Dollars? Because that's the correct answer. On average, Robert Quinn will earn $34,000 per snap played in the 2020 season. Enough to walk off the lot with a brand new fully loaded Toyota Camry including insurance, fees and routine maintenance over the first 40,000 miles AND STILL have enough for an all inclusive round trip vacation for 2 to Acapulco. And he's gotten that every single snap. 

Even this one:

Maybe I'm being dramatic but also maybe Robert Quinn is the worst free agent signing in recent Bears history. Maybe in all of history. Honestly I'm not really sure how to appropriately frame his shittyness at this point in time other than to say he really fucking sucks. We all agree on that. Nobody is happy with Robert Quinn right now except his financial planner and whoever else feeds off his tits. For everyone else, it's a colossal failure at a time we could really use the help on the defensive line. I'm not pointing fingers I'm just saying he sucks and $34k is a lot of money. 

Naturally though I just love anytime we simplify athlete salaries to a more relatable figures. Like when A-Rod signed the first mega deal and people were freaking out that he'd get close to $40k per at bat and over $150k a game. Or when Carl Pavano got $666k per start his last 3 seasons with the Yankees, or even in business when you hear Bill Gates makes 10 grand with every heartbeat or some shit. Just a preposterous way to think about income and how that relates to you. Robert Quinn can get his ass kicked for an entire afternoon and it would still take the average American a little over 16 years to earn his game check. 

When you think about it like that, us fans are in every right to sit here and call him a lazy good for nothing suckhole of cap space. And it doesn't make me a crazy person just because I stew in how much he sucks. If anything it just means I'm painfully aware of the facts, and the facts say Robert Quinn is an absolute fucking bum.