Thank Christ It Didn't Happen, But Vin Dog Almost Meme'd My Toilet And Dog To Death This Week
Earlier this week, I had a plumbing emergency. Now I know what you're all thinking:
WSD, you fat disgusting slob who doesn't run marathons or drunkenly throw 91MPH with a crow hop at Sox Park, nobody wants to know about your plumbing emergencies! Fuck you, you imp!!!
To that I gotta say, you have a point. Nobody wants to know about my bowel movements, but I'm not here to talk about my bowl movements. It wasn't me who fucked up my toilet with a 100 Couric dump...
…it was my dog. I got a puppy last week and he's not quite housebroken yet. He's getting there, but I woke up to a fat dump of his on my hardwood floor Monday morning. Before we continue, take a moment to tell me how adorable and good looking he is:
It was his fault, not mine that little bastard!
Anyways…
My toilet's tank wouldn't fill after I flushed his 100 Couric dump. Can't use a toilet if it doesn't flush and I made a MASSIVE pot of chili for the Bears' game on Sunday, so a flushable toilet was necessary. I could have called our emergency maintenance staff, but I figured I'd do one better.
I summoned the best plumber on earth not named Mario or Luigi. I summoned VinDog.
I'll get to that in a moment. Now as a 32 year old single dude who lives alone in a penthouse suite that comes fully equipped with a dishwasher and garbage chute, I feel like I should have a bunch of "guys" on retainer any time I find myself in a sticky situation; a plumbing guy, an accounting guy, a fall guy, a dispose of the the dead hooker guy, a mechanic guy… but I don't. I don't really have any guys at all. It's embarrassing to admit that, but I don't.
That's where VinDog checks in. Shot him a DM and I am happy to report that I was blessed with the most professional help a plumber could possibly give from about 1000 miles away:
Incredible. That toilet, and perhaps maybe even my dog, were an inch away from getting meme'd to death. I love my new dog Ace, but he isn't immune to VinDog's memes. Nobody is. I hope he learned his lesson and doesn't drop anymore rats on the middle of my living room floor in the middle of the night again. If he does, he might get his head getting filled with air from a bicycle air pump… and don't even get me started on what VinDog would have done to that cheap, shitty piece of porcelain.
That's not a fate I'd wish on my own worst enemy. Not even Jerry Reinsdorf. The moral of the story is this, though: always have a guy on deck. You never know when you might need to fix your toilet or bury a dead hooker in the Pine Barrens of South Jersey or something. Unfortunately I almost learned that the hard way this week; thank Christ for VinDog though. He came through in the clutch.