What a match. What a great match. If you’re a fan of international women’s soccer, like I know you are, then these are the nights you live for. Get out there on the pitch and just take it to the Krauts in a way America hasn’t since the 40s. Tomorrow we decide which other conquered nation we face in the championship. It’s either gonna be England or Japan and, frankly, neither of them have a shot. Once you’ve lost a war you’ve already lost any and all future competitions. Send whoever you want, world. America’s ready. Final is on July 5th so make sure you’ve got enough Budweisers to last through Sunday and get ready for the most patriotic weekend ever. USA! USA! USA!
Later you German motherfuckers, we’re off to the finals!