Dude On The Bachelorette Named "Cupcake" Weeps On National Television

I’m not a big Bachelorette guy. I know that’s Big Daddy’s territory. But last night with the Mets off and the Yankees playing late and no other shows to watch, I tuned in to the Bachelorette. And boy am I glad I did. Because I witnessed a murder. The Bachelorette Kaitlyn ended the life of a gentleman who goes by the name of Cupcake. She took him up to a cliff along the shores of Irelend, sat down for a picnic, and within like 30 seconds told him she doesnt like him and shes done. She then got up, jumped in the helicopter that brought them there, and zipped away. Flying off into the sunset while this dude Cupcake wept like a newborn baby.

The highlight was the producer standing there 100% contemplating whether she needed to step in and stop him from jumping off that cliff. Angel on one shoulder saying “Save this man! Save Cupcake!” Devil on the other saying “RATINGS! Suicide = ratings!” Personally if I’m the producer in that situation I’m pushing him right over the edge. Because both the Angel and Devil on my shoulders are saying that dude needs to go over the edge. For all the ratings in the world but also to put that poor bastard out of his misery. Grown man named Cupcake was just exposed to the world as a crybaby creep.  Unless he’s a fantastic actor and that was his Oscar performance, he’s now known as like the most pathetic guy in America. Maybe even the world. Just end it all now, dude.

PS – The “Next week! On The Bachelorette!” was perfect

Like “This week, you witness the internal demise of a grown man! Dignity and pride actually drained from this loser’s soul! Next week, tune in for more!”