I Am Jealous Of The Blogger That Posed As An NBA Draft Pick On Thursday Night
God dammit watching that video hurt. Usually if you tell people that you are a blogger, you are more likely to have someone offer to buy you a pity cup of coffee like you are some sort of bum than offer to buy you shots because they are impressed with you. But this guy was able to live a bizarro life for a night because he is 7 feet tall. And you know what? He deserves it. Because the minute you grow to 6’4″ or so, you are constantly asked if you play basketball. And if you don’t, people ask why. So if you can get some free booze and/or some cheeks because of your height, you should definitely go for it. Snake it til you make it. In fact, I’m surprised the 76ers didn’t sign this guy to a contract immediately after the draft was over. Those 7-footer hoarding pieces of shit (Sorry, I’m still bitter about the Okafor pick).
That being said, this guy made one critical error in his journey. He should have tried to get into at least one baller NBA Draft party. Partying with the common folk and getting digits is cool. But you know what’s really cool? Pro hoes. I mean I’m sure they are vapid and awful as fuck. But they also appear to be a different species than the rest of us. I’ve been to one party like that in my entire life (the 2010 ESPN NFL Draft party) and nothing will make you feel more like a peasant than being surrounded by giant professional athletes and the beautiful women that will stop at nothing to get that athlete back to her hotel room to turn him into her sugar daddy. But disguising yourself as a pro athlete means you have a legit shot at a pro hoe for the night. And while it may not be at the top of everyone’s bucket list, there is no denying that it would be a fun, enjoyable way to end a night.
Then again, Big Cat was a fake Blackhawk at Wrigley for a night and apparently it is cool to impersonate Barstool bloggers at bars. So maybe my life as a B-team blogger at Barstool isn’t so bad (no, but really, it is).
Update: It was brought to my attention that the blogger in this video is former Barstool U blogger Tall One. So a big shout out to him for living the dream for one night and letting guys like myself and all the other part timers at the Stool know that ANYTHING’S POSSIBLLLLLLLLE (if we grow another foot or so)