What In The World Is Happening On The Dallas Cowboys Sidelines?

Scott Taetsch. Getty Images.

Me on Monday: “Dallas could possibly put something together and enter the postseason hot!”

Me in the 4th Quarter: “They should have lost on Sunday.”

Well, I promised a Shit Sandwich for Thanksgiving, and boy did the Cowboys ever deliver. 

Could this be the worst game of the year? 

Yes. In a season that is one of the most brutal in recent Cowboys history, which saw them suffer the worst loss in Jerry World history, this somehow, someway seems even worse.

Please look at that graphic. LOOK AT IT.

1 fumble lost

0/3 red zone

Sacks allowed

2 failed 4th down attempts both in their own territory.

Oh by the way, they later failed on a THIRD 4th down attempt.

This was the worst coaching since Week 2 when Mikey Mac tried 2 fake punts in the first half and failed on both. 

From the first drive, this game was peak 2020 for the Cowboys. Not only did Cam Erving go down, so did Zach Martin. Both gone. 

Poof. 

Pop goes the weasel. 

Don’t know what's worse: watching us get killed, watching us get killed on Thanksgiving on national television, or watching us get killed by Washington while Joe Buck talking about Washington’s ferocious defensive front 4 dominating Dallas 2nd and 3rd string Offensive line. 

Have I ever seen a fake punt decision like that before? Yes!

Have I ever seen a fake punt decision called and executed as woefully as that before? Never!

What in the everloving FUCK is going on down those sidelines? At what point does the idea of faking a punt on 4th and 10 in your OWN red zone down only four points in the 4th quarter come up? How does that conversation go? 

JOHN FASSEL: Hey Kellen! You know what they’d never expect right now?

KELLEN MOORE: A fake punt!

FASSEL: OMG YOU READ MY MIND!

MCCARTHY (oblivious to the conversation): Hey guys, can we try a fake punt? Only try a run instead of a pass this time? THEY’LL NEVER EXPECT IT!

Nothing is good right now. More injuries (Chido went out too), Zeke has more fumbles than touchdowns since Week 2, and they just can’t keep opposing defenses from molesting the quarterback. 

I still think Washington is a trash team, but they are slightly LESS trash than the Cowboys right now. Gibson is a problem and McLaurin just seems to be ALWAYS open. The question as always with this horrible, horrible division is who is less trashy in any given week. 

I really don’t even know what to say right now other than I’m now sad the Cowboys beat the Vikings. Took four days for McCarthey and crew to ruin the tiniest rainbow in Dallas fans’ lives, and on a holiday no less. Gross.

Baltimore up next. Hey Lamar has covid, right? LOL RGIII will throw for 800 yards. Another L incoming, and another step closer to Sewell. 

Happy Fucking Thanksgiving.