You're at the bar (pre-covid of course) and would really like to take someone home to engage in some consensual sex. You've been trying to woo your potential mate all night but to no avail. Turns out you're just not interesting.
As you're about to give up and go home to spend hours browsing pornography you reach into your pocket for your keys when you discover the clicker device. You bust it out and say to your potential sexual partner, "Guess what the fuck this is." They sit there stunned, unable to comprehend what you're showing them. You calmly inform them that it is the clicker for your trained squirrel which you've cleverly named Nutty. Friend, if you're not getting an OTPHJ (over the pants hand job, or a lady version) right there at the bar then it just wasn't meant to be.
Unfortunately my co-hosts Kate and Cons don't agree that a trained squirrel is a geyser-inducing aphrodisiac. Take it from me, somebody with two children, twice as many as those two combined, that a trained squirrel is a cheat code to sex.
Heading into the Thanksgiving holiday and want more intellectual stimulation? Check out the latest episode of Zero Blog Thirty where we discuss why nuclear submarines don't have windows, how fish farts nearly started a war, and how seven Russians died from hand sanitizer. Also, there's a guy in India suffering from covid, dengue fever, malaria, and now a King Cobra bite. Be thankful you aren't him.