Ranking The Breaks
We've reached a very special time of the year - the week of Thanksgiving break. It's one that is universally welcomed, looked forward to, and is always much-needed each year it comes around.
So I figured let's stir up some debate on the Monday leading into this very break by ranking the breaks.
10. Leg
Coming in at number 10 has to easily be the worst break, the leg. I've never broken my leg, but it seems to be the most painful and I feel like I've never seen a non-gruesome broken leg injury. We're not talking the small bone fracture that only shows up on the X-ray. Nope. This is full-on Joe Theisman-Alex Smith-WORST BROKEN BONE compilation on youtube broken leg.
You either have to have crutches or be in a wheelchair or both. Your foot is always weirdly sticking out for people to see. No thanks.
9. Toxic High School Relationship
Ahhh yes we've all been through one or ten of these. The "what's up with you and ?"
"We're just on a break right now".
It's usually the third break in the last six weeks that always provides unnecessary but also necessary high school drama in your life when you really just want to get down with other people. She finds you texting someone else. You see another dude's name pop up who snapchatted her. World War 10 breaks out in her parent's basement and you storm out while trying to be polite to her mom and also not saying a word to her dad.
You both immediately fire off multiple texts to multiple different prospects and are mostly greeted with "well what about _?"
"We're on a break. Probably done."
All while knowing damn well that soon enough you'll be back in her mom's basement "cuddling" and "watching movies" while she posts an Instagram post "My world ❤️️" causing everyone to DM it to each other with the eye roll emoji before commenting "Relationship GOALSSSSS".
8. Commercial
I'm sure this will be met with dismay, but here me out. The commercial break is a totally necessary and sometimes enjoyable part of the television viewing experience. Think about it.
You're watching the game. When do you get a refill? When do you get seconds? When do you go piss? Commercial break.
You're a kid and you're being told to brush your teeth NOW PLEASE. Wait for a commercial break.
Not to mention a big reason why probably half the country watches the Super Bowl? Commercials. Ever seen Apple's annual Christmas themed commercial? Will fucking wreck you and make you remember the little special things in life.
Commercial break is mostly hated on, but deserves some recognition.
7. Kit-Kat
Not much more needs to be said. I mean, it owns a part of all of our brains. You could be walking down the street in any town in probably the world and simply say to someone in that tune "Break me off a piece of that ____" and the person would respond "kit-kat bar" unless you're Andy Bernard.
Also anyone who just dives right into a fresh stack of a Kit-Kat is probably most definitely a serial killer.
6. Spring
I know, I know. There's probably going to be a lot of Sigma Chis who scoff at the thought of "Sprang Breeeeak" not being in the top three let alone outside the top-5, but again hear me out. There's not a lot of longevity here. Spring Break is an uber important part of your life for what? Maaaybe five years? Then it's done. Then the best you can do is a crammed condo with shit head kids who don't appreciate the budgeting and money spent for them to get to go to Florida for a week.
Meanwhile the prick whose kids are friends with yours of course has a place in Cabo and gets to go parasailing and all that shit which is all you hear about from little Tommy the entire time when you busted your ass to give them a trip in the first place.
Spring break is entirely overrated.
5. Lunch
Who doesn't love a good lunch break. It's the staple of the American work day. How do you divide your day? Pre-lunch break and post-lunch break. Same goes for when you're in grade school, middle school, high school.
Get me to my lunch break, and the day is almost over. It's a place to bond with co-workers, get some time for yourself to surf the web or catch up on a podcast, or if you're a psycho, get a quick workout in.
4. Summer
Like it's sister break Spring Break, Summer Break will probably be higher on most people's lists depending on your age and demographic. There's nothing better than summer break as a kid. No school. No responsibilities. Maybe play a baseball game or two. Pool parties. All that shit.
Unfortunately, once you grow up a bit summer break goes by the wayside and your left with sitting in a cubicle on a beautiful 84 degree day with not a cloud in the sky longing for the days you used to be able to fuck around by a pool on a Tuesday with not a care in the world. Summer still provides a lot of great fun as an adult, but you lose the latter half of it therefore in my eyes falling in the rankings of breaks.
3. Fall
After much deliberation I've decided to make an amendment to my updated ranking of breaks from what I tweeted yesterday and put fall back to number three. I had it at two, but decided the longevity plus activities happening during fall break didn't meet the requirements to be as high as two. Plus, you lose it once you become an adult until you have kids and have to go on a shitty camping trip.
Sure, it provides a warm welcome in high school and college to get a few days off in October to fuck around, but it doesn't compare to the excitement provided by the next two breaks.
2. Christmas / Winter
At first I had this behind fall simply because the depression that sets in post-New Years of having to go back to school / work in a cold, dark, dreary January is almost too unbearable at times. Then I came to my senses. It's a delight of a break. The joy and excitement felt during the lead-up plus the first few days of this break are unmatched right before the Christmas holiday.
As a kid it checks all the fun boxes as well as the longevity requirement usually being around two weeks long of a break. Part of the reason I originally had it lower, too, was I felt as an adult you don't get an automatic two week break right around the holiday's until I realized "wait…we kinda do."
Most companies are kind enough to give you Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off. Then not even a week later they're also kind enough to give you New Years Eve and New Years Day off as well. That's four days off in a week. PLUS this is always, always the time of year the bosses and sales people book their trips to Mexico and are finally out of the office for an extended period of time. Even "real" work days become fake days on those days leading up to and after the holiday. It's one (and sometimes more) giant fake week of work with some scheduled days off in between all around a great holiday.
We do get a Christmas break as adults, and it's fantastic.
1. Thanksgiving
Speaking of fake weeks, this is the fakest week of them all. For the lucky ones, you're sitting there watching football on the Sunday before and you're staring directly at a two-day work week. Two days? What's even the point?
It's a week full of football, food, booze, and seeing old friends and even family that you have a grand old time with. All the while you don't have the expectation of gifts or church, while still having the excitement of the Christmas season and extended holiday break ahead of you.
It's beautiful. Enjoy this week.