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Great News: Starting In 2021 You Can Send Your Dead Ass Body To The Moon

People’s cremated ashes are to be sent to the Moon next year as part of a commercial burial service piggybacking on a NASA lunar mission.

Texas space memorial firm Celestis will provide more than a dozen capsules carrying human remains and DNA for the flight.

Dubbed Luna 2, the mission will launch on a July 2021 NASA flight to a region of the Moon called Lacus Mortis, reports.

To date, only one person – revolutionary planetary scientist Eugene Shoemaker – has been buried on the lunar surface.

Celestis, which is based in Houston, aims to change that by regularly firing up remains to Earth’s rocky neighbor.

You can now have your ashes transported to the moon and all I can say is...

This is where I want to end up. I've always said that I don't care what happens to me after I die. Bury, cut me up, light me on fire, feed me to lions. I don't care. I'm dead. If some demented pervert wants to have mediocre sex with my dead ass body, go nuts. I'm dead. I've moved on. I don't like this body that much to begin with. It never did anything spectacular for me. Just a generic ass white body that girls never found attractive, but were like "eh, he's funny…okay". 

Putting my ashes on the moon changes things though. That's where I want to be forever. Not because I think the moon is so great or cool. It's not. It's cold and sandy and quite frankly…I hate the beach. The moon is just one big ass frozen beach as far as I can tell. No. The reason I want to sent up there is because we, as a species, should be shooting more things into space in general. We have a very small planet with limited space for people, places, and things and it's shrinking all the time. All I ever hear about is how we litter and plastic in the ocean and rising tides, and garbage dumps etc. Well…if we have excessive waste instead of trying to find new places to stuff trash why don't we just send it into outer space? Do you know how big outer space is? It's infinite. We should be sending a garbage dump into it's vastness every day. That can be the aliens problem. If they're so smart they'll find a way to clean it up if it becomes a problem. We have to put Earth first. If the first movement of sending waste into space is my dead body then I want to lead the charge. The other option, which is probably more economical would be to dump me in a volcano. That is another place we should be putting garbage. Use thermal energy to smolder anything we don't want instantly. That is smart. Like actually, that is what we should be doing. Any garbage we find in California or if it washes up on one of those islands in the South Pacific like this

Giphy Images.

Put that shit on a barge, bring it to Hawaii and drop it in the old fire hole on top of a mountain. Problem solved. I implore you, the comment section, to find a flaw in that plan. You can't. I just solved so many problems. Either put it in space or in the lava ground. Neither of these options have been properly explored. That should be at the core of the green new deal. You start telling me you've got a plan to use lava and space, then I am in. 

PS: I also think we should nuke other planets. Mars has been sitting up there doing jack shit forever. Hit them with a big ass nuke, maybe life starts like in the comic books and then we have a real backup planet some day. Something to think about.