Good News/Bad News, Fellas: Study Finds Guys With Smaller Dicks Actually Make More Money

The Sun — It has been found that being well hung doesn’t necessarily mean well-off as some of the highest earners have the smallest penises, according to a new survey. 

The cheeky study analysed how penis size determines salary, and it was good news for bank balances if men had a micro penis. 

The OnBuy.com survey commissioned 997 men to answer questions about work, salary, and penis size, to see if there is a correlation between size and salary. 

They found that those with a penis of three inches in length, earned an average of £58,000 per year. 

However, at the other end of the scale, those with a penis that measured seven and eight inches earned an average of £38,000 and £27,000 per year.

Who ever said life isn't fair? According to a study from Great Britain, men with smaller penises had higher salries than those on the larger end. So fellas, depending on where you land on the scale, this is either great or rather unfortunate news.

I actually think this makes a great hypothetical question of how far in each direction of the scale you'd choose to go if you could. Just say every inch between one and 10 correlates to $15,000. So a one-inch member means you're raking in $150,000 a year and a 10-inch dong means you're hovering around the poverty line. Where are you going?

For my money, a fat paycheck compensates for a small dick far more than the other way around, so I think I'd definitely go four or five. I don't know how much solace I'd take in my huge bulge if I was wondering if I could afford to go out to dinner. But different strokes for different folks, I suppose.

Either way, this is a huge dub for all the guys out there who were feeling a little insecure today. Just know that you're bringing home the Benjamins compared to everybody else. And this comes out on International Men's Day, no less. Dudes rock.