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Ivanka Trump Reaffirms That He Whom Smelt It Dealt It

On Tuesday, she wrote: 'One of the earliest memories I have of Ivanka from before we were friends is when she blamed a fart on a classmate.' 

She also alleges, among other things, that Ivanka was charming and precocious as a teenager which won over adults and made them think she'd shaken off her father's crassness but was, in private, just as obsessed with money and struggled to hide it. 

According to Lysandra, Ivanka responded: 'Why would you tell me to read a book about f*****g poor people?' after she recommended a novel about a diner manager.

This is such an egregious violation of friend trust. Years later you spill the beans to a reporter that your friend spilled the beans and blamed it on someone else? Barbaric. Barbaric! Simply barbaric. Let that word resound from hill to hill to mountain to mountain from valley to valley. Barbaric. May god help those poor souls who rat on their friends years later.

Now, if I’m ivanka, I use this method all the time. Look at her. Rich. Beautiful. Well connected. There is no way you assume she is the fatter. None. How could you? You think a fart is sneaking out while she’s wearing a two thousand dollar suit, Micheal? COME ON!

 If I was Ivanka, I’d be eating nothing but beans. Beans beans beans. Id be ripping SBDs all over the West Wing.

“Ewwww! Who the fuck farted?”

Probably Steven Miller.

“Ewwww! Who ripped ass?”

My guess would be Kellyanne Conway.

Never Ivanka. You’d never think Ivanka farted and she knew that from an early age. Smart.