Taylor Swift Put Apple On Her Lap And Gave Them A Nice Little Spanking

(CNN) —What hope is there for the rest of us when Taylor Swift can make a giant like Apple bend to her will? That’s what the superstar singer apparently did when she complained about the tech company not paying artists during the three-month free trial period of Apple Music. “Apple Music will not be paying writers, producers, or artists for those three months,” Swift wrote in an open letter. “I find it to be shocking, disappointing, and completely unlike this historically progressive and generous company.” Quicker than you could say “1989” (the title of her album she threatened to withhold from the company), an Apple executive was tweeting what appeared to be a reversal of that policy.

So Taylor Swift is the most powerful person in the world. I almost ended that with a “right?” but it’s not even a question anymore, she is. She’s the president of the universe. You don’t go eye to eye with Apple, and make them cower in fear within twelve hours, without immediately being handed the heavyweight belt. I really have no idea how much money her one blog post is going to cost Apple but I assume paying every artist on the planet for 3 months costs tens of millions of dollars. Maybe hundreds of millions? I really don’t know. Yet one of the biggest companies in the world decided to pay it just so Taylor Swift wasn’t mad at them. That’s fucking wild. If you want to get shit done, don’t write your congressman, don’t tweet at Obama, just ask Taylor. Want the Confederate flag taken down? Ask Taylor. Want Netflix to stop asking you if you’re still watching TV, thus making you feel like a worthless piece of shit? Ask Taylor. McRib back full time? Taylor. She’s now queen of the world/fairy godmother and can grant you any wish your heart desires.

PS – In all seriousness I saw a lot of people bashing Taylor for this and I really don’t get why. The little artists deserve to be paid and need someone with clout to stand up for them, she did. What’s so bad about that?