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What Could Possibly Go Wrong: Town Deploys Robot "Monster" Wolves To Defend Town From Bears

There's a small part of me that wishes we'd have this sort of innovation here in the USA. Robot "monster" wolves that fuck up bears? Fuck yeah. Imagine these having those ice bears all over the place. Those bears are gonna wish they were never even born after these guys get to them. 

Then I saw the picture of said robot. Capital PU. This thing stinks out loud. It doesn't even look like it moves! How is the wolf supposed to repel bears if it doesn't fucking do anything?? It looks like some asshole just plunked a mask on top of an out of commission mechanical bull. Based on the picture alone, this thing wouldn't even scare a 10-year-old much less a giant bear. 

Giphy Images.


TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese town has deployed robot wolves in an effort to scare away bears that have become an increasingly dangerous nuisance in the countryside.

The town of Takikawa on the northern island of Hokkaido purchased and installed a pair of the robots after bears were found roaming neighbourhoods in September.

Ah yeah, just casually buying a couple of robot "monsters." Nothing to see here. They make it seem like it's an everday thing. Buying a robot is probably like buying a TV for Japanese people - it's completely normal. My brain can't even begin to comprehend the sort of techonolgy they have but I digress.

Talk about a bubble burster, though. This town read all the newspaper clippings. They saw the item description "robot monster wolves." In that moment, you can't help but get ahead of yourself.  You start thinking about all the possibilities of these feriocous beast running around slaying those bastard bears and you can't help but lick your chops just a little. Understandable. 

Then… then you see the bullshit they sent you and it's nothing but pain and wishful thinking. 

City officials said there have been no bear encounters since.

Giphy Images.

I really underestimated these mechanical bull looking wolves. They're out here doing absolute bits for this town. Hand up, that's on me for doubting them. 

It's a prototypical fight fire with fire situation. Best case scenario, the wolves do the job and the bears are fucking toast. However, there are far, far too many scenarios that end poorly for these town folk. The bears are gonna learn eventually that nothing will actually happen to them. Maybe even the robots come to life, team up with the bears, and start a bear/wolf/robot hybrid society in the islands of Japan. Very apropos in my opinion.