If you've ever wondered how Mike Tyson passed drug tests while simultaneously living one of the all-time party lifestyles of all-time, you now have your answer: the Whizzinator.
"It was awesome, man," Tyson said. "I put my baby's urine in it. One time I used my wife's and my wife said, 'Baby, you better not hope that comes back pregnant or something.' And I said we ain't gonna use you no more, we're gonna use the kid."
What an absolute legend. Iron Mike was out living it up and then heading into drug tests strapped with a fake dong filled with baby piss to get off scot-free. And I am far more interested in the appearance and utility of this device than I should be. I need to know how this thing worked.
But how bad were the drug testers back then? I'm sure the Whizzinator was a finely crafted device, but how realistic can a prosthetic dick look to someone who is professionally trained to watch people piss? I am truly dying to see this thing in action but I'm too scared to search "prosthetic penis" on my work computer, so we're at a bit of an impasse.
Either way, Tyson is definitely up there on the list of people I'd love to have a dinner with if I could pick anybody. The stories that guy has must be off the charts. We're talking about the guy who owned tigers, after all.
He was also featured prominently in the greatest comedy of all-time, arguably his greatest career achievement.
Editor's Note: Big T clearly never hearing of the Whizzinator before today makes me feel 1,000 years old. I didn't know this was a thing people had never heard of and then Big T struts in with his size 28 Nikes and calls me an old right to my internet face. Unbecoming to put it lightly.