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Are We Sure That Nick Foles Would Even Want To Shake Tom Brady's Hand In The First Place?

The biggest story in football every year is just why exactly Tom Brady flat out refuses to shake Nick Foles' hand after Foles claps Tom's cheeks (metaphorically speaking) in a football match. Everywhere you go, people are searching for answers. You take a trip to the bakery to pick up a lovely sourdough loaf and all people are talking about is why Tom won't shake Nick's hand. You're at your dentist appointment and while that jackass is poking and prodding his way through your mouth, he's trying to strike up a full conversation with you about why there's absolutely no consistency with which quarterbacks Tom shakes hands with after games, and why there is zero justification for continuously snubbing Foles. Even after one of the worst losses of his career last night, Tom still made sure he ran over to smooch Drew Brees on the lips real quick. 

But at this point we should really be asking ourselves whether or not Nick Foles actually wants to shake Tom Brady's hand in the first place. I mean this guy stinks. He is legitimately bad at football. You can't watch this clip right now and tell me that this is a quarterback who is currently worth your respect and admiration. 

Weird Haircut Seth lookin' ass. 

But what's even scarier than how god awful Brady looks is the fact that he's definitely been involved in some sort of witchcraft. The guy doesn't eat tomatoes, for crying out loud. Want to know who else doesn't eat tomatoes? Witches, probably. So the last thing that Nick Foles needs to be doing right now is shaking hands with a witch who has lost all of his powers. If Nick Foles shakes hands with Tom Brady right now, it would be like the Monstars zapping all the skill out of NBA legends like Charles Barkley, Shawn Bradley, Patrick Ewing, Larry Johnson and Muggsy Bogues. 

So the next time that BDN claps those cheeks (again, metaphorically speaking), the narrative should no longer be that Tom Brady snubs Nick Foles. It's just that Foles still knows he's got a little tiny bit of magic in those hands of his and he doesn't want this witch Tom Brady taking it from him.