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I Dare Anybody To Ever Shit On Cargo Shorts Again After This

Game. Set. Match. 

Superbad is unequivocally a fantastic movie. Perhaps one of the most influential movies of our generation, and without a doubt one of the most quotable. Unfortunately, however, Superbad is also responsible for turning cargo shorts into public enemy #1 for folks around the world who want to get their wieners touched around. The line "no one's gotten a handjob in cargo shorts since 'Nam" has completely gutted the cargo shorts industry. And now we just have people walking around in shorts that end roughly 5 inches above their knees, or strictly wear skinny jeans and joggers.

While all you bastards may think you're fashionable in your short shorts and skinny jeans, you sacrifice all of your practicality and efficiency. The jeans are too tight for mobility. The pockets in the shorts are too small to even fit an iPhone 5.  You want to carry a wallet around in your back pocket? You could be broke as shit and you still won't be able to fit that thin flimsy wallet back there. But for some reason, people still view cargo shorts as the enemy. That is, of course, until now. 

A pocket full of pizza rolls is checkmate. You couldn't even fit one pizza roll in the pockets of your skinny jeans without that thing completely exploding. But a pair of cargo shorts? He can fit a full box of pizza rolls in just one pocket, while having all the other pockets still totally free for his phone, wallet, keys, GameBoy color, laptop, cast iron pan, copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, bottle of Wawa Peach Iced Tea, and maybe some loose change. 

You still want to shit on cargo shorts now? Didn't think so, pal.