The Red Sox Announced That Cheating Scumbag Alex Cora is Coming Back as Manager In Maybe The Most Hilarious Friday News Dump Of All Time

What a Friday news dump, folks! Maybe the most hilarious Friday news dump these eyes have ever seen. Just as some very important national news was breaking this morning (I'm talking the moment it broke) the Red Sox opened up the flood gates and announced the rehiring of that cheating scumbag Alex Cora. Nothing to see here, go talk about your politics people! Move on!

The move is extremely unsurprising and expected, but the timing is incredible. The Sox were so embarrassed to announce this hire that they waited for the election's culmination to sweep it under the rug. Now Opening Day comes around and "oh look is that Cora managing the Sox? When did that happen!?" Scumbag organization through and through doing scumbag things. Alex Cora should be in prison, or at the least banned from Major League Baseball. Rob Manfred's lack of spine has allowed him back right where he was two seasons ago. 

Carrabis seems to constantly bring up that Cora didn't cheat while in Boston. Wrong, the Red Sox were actually punished for illegally using technology to steal signs during the 2018 World Series run. They were docked a 2nd round pick in this year's draft as a result. A poor replay operator named J.T. Watkins was deemed the scapegoat and lost his job because no one could step up and be a man to take the hit. I don't even care about that to be honest. You know what I care about. Cora was banned from baseball last year for his part in the Houston cheating scandal, you know the biggest cheating scandal in baseball history that he played a key role in. According to MLB, he was not punished for his wrong doings during 2018, but does that matter? He'll always go down as one of the main drivers in the Houston Astros tarnished title run in 2017. For that alone he should be banned forever or maybe thrown in prison, but Rob Manfred is the commissioner of baseball and thinks someone letting a fastball get away from them and buzzing someone's tower is more egregious than cheating the sport worse than ever in it's history. Makes sense. 

All of this is the Red Sox organization trying to save face with their fans. They want their loyal paying customers to forget that they lowballed Mookie and watched him go to LA. All is forgiven guys, Cora is back! Wooooh! In reality Cora is back to managing a team that was too poor to pick up Martin Perez's $7 million player option. Does that mean we're headed towards a big reunion in 2021? Mookie the free agent returning home? Maybe bring back Price? How about Mitch Moreland? Brock Holt too! Nomar, Manny, and Papi? Wow, who am I kidding, what a time to be a Sox fan.