Anybody Heard From The Guy Who Stole Urban Meyer's Parking Spot Today? Because He's 100% Dead

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Anybody check on this guy who took Urban’s spot? 100% dead right? You just don’t disrespect Urban at his own practice field like this, not now, not ever. Like ha ha, ha ha, Urban blocked him in with his car, that’s funny. Meanwhile everyone has that terrible feeling in their gut that there is currently a body decomposing somewhere on campus.

Speaking of psychos, Top 5 coaches who you never want to take their parking spot –

5) Bo Pelini

Just pure, unadulterated hothead. The type of guy who overreacts by a factor of 1,000 to every perceived insult. He’ll have a crowbar out of the trunk smashing your windshield in faster than you can blink, then he’ll beat the shit out of you with his bare hands.

4) Urban Meyer

Just got the look of a stone cold psychotic killer. Like he’ll look you dead in the face with his soulless eyes while he plunges a knife into your heart then goes back to his playbook. Has definitely murdered at least 4 vagrants in his life just to see what it felt like, possibly more.

3) Jim Harbaugh

Pretty well documented that he’s a purebred psychopath. Like out of his mind crazy. Those are not guys you want to trifle with. 50/50 shot that he laughs it off and invites you to play catch, or pulls out a semi automatic and empties the clip into your stomach. He’d be shirtless and wearing khakis up to his belly button while he did it too, for the complete mental image.

2) Nick Saban

Unlike Pelini and Urban, Saban will probably give you a rye smirk and a wink, have you thinking you’re in the clear, then 3 days later when you’re relaxing on the couch watching TV 5 guys in masks and Alabama polos will burst in and tie you up and torture you for 10 hours. Nick Saban is the Godfather IRL.

1) Frank Martin

Probably the craziest guy in college sports ever. There are always those crazy coaches who looked flat out insane but you knew deep down they really cared about their guys and were just trying to get the most out of them. I never got that feeling from Frank. Felt like he honestly just wanted to strangle someone to death with his bare hands and watch the life drain out of them for not fighting over a screen hard enough.

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PS – Wow, things got really dark here really quick.

One second I’m looking at a tweet of two cars in a parking lot the next I’m describing the cold blooded way college coaches would murder you.