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New "Belly Button Test" Is A Quick And Easy Way To Tell If You Need To Lose Some Weight

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(Source)A new craze involving a simple test to show how good your figure really is has taken China by storm. The challenge has seen thousands of people post selfies to show whether they can touch their belly button by reaching around their backs. Since Wednesday, the ‘belly button challenge’ has received more the 130 million hits and is now the number one trending topic on Weibo, the Chinese social media site. Chinese celebrities, including actresses Yang Mi, Zhang Jiani and Huo Siyan, have also got in on the act. The challenge post claims that if you can complete the challenge, it proves you have a good body, but if you cannot, you need to lose weight. Web users claim they have learned the conclusion from a ‘scientific study from US’.

Thank god. You know, everyone calling me fat on the internet has gotten pretty hurtful. I’m tired of it because I’m not THAT fat, I’m just big. So I’ve been hoping and praying for a quick and easy test to prove to everyone that I’ve got a good body and I’m now I’m lucky enough to The Belly Button test to come along. So without further ado…

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(Should’ve worn a belt and maybe a bra today. Stupid, John. STUPID.)

Well that didn’t go according to plan. I’m not sure why I thought I’d really be able to do it since I can’t even touch my knees, so flexibility isn’t really my thing, more of a power guy. But you know what? That’s all Chinese chicks. Of course they can touch their belly buttons. They weigh like 10 pounds and grew up hidden in their parents closet, so they can contort themselves like a motherfucker. Not like Chinese dudes can do it too.

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Goddddddd dammit. This chubby motherfucker can do it?! THIS KID?! What the fuck? It’s like he’s taunting me with those eyes too. “You see this, Feitelberg? You see me picking this lint oppo you fat motherfucker? Drink it in, baby.” That’s what they’re saying to me. But guess what, China? We’ve got different rules for good bodies here in the US of A. Can you see your dick? Do you need a scooter to get around WalMart? When you brush your teeth do your tits juggle out of control so much that it hurts, or just so much that it makes you uncomfortable to watch? If you can pass all those then you’re still not fat. Fuck a Belly Button Test, thing was stupid anyway. Only nerds pass tests.

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