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Tribe Demands 10 Buffalo To Release Tourist Chicks Who Upset The Gods By Stripping On Top Of A Mountain

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Daily Mail - A Malaysian tribal chief has called on Western tourists who were arrested for stripping naked on top of a mountain to pay a fine of ten buffalo or face jail, it has been reported. Former British public schoolgirl Eleanor Hawkins is among the group accused of ‘upsetting the gods’ by posing nude on the country’s highest peak days before an earthquake killed 18 climbers on the mountain. Eleanor, 24, from Derby, was detained at a Sabah airport yesterday while trying to fly to Kuala Lumpur. Last night it was reported that one local tribal chief had called on the tourists to pay a ‘sogit’ or fine of ten buffalo or face jail. Priest Tindarama Aman Sirom Simbuna said: ‘The tourists who angered the guardian of the mountain should pay for their mistakes by giving sogit.  ‘This should be in the form of ten male or female buffalo’. Indigenous people say Mount Kinabalu – where the group posed for their photo – is a resting place for the spirits of the departed.  Miss Hawkins, an aerospace engineering student, is said to be ‘very upset’ as she sits in a police cell in Borneo facing obscenity charges, which can carry a three-month prison sentence. Her father, Tim Hawkins, who runs an engineering business in Derby, said his daughter sounded frightened when he spoke to her this morning.  He said: ‘She is obviously upset. She’s pretty scared. But it was good to speak to her.’ He has appealed for the Malaysian authorities to be fair over fears they may try to make an example of her. He told The Guardian: ‘I have got every faith in their judicial system. I just hope they don’t make an example of them after the tragic earthquake.’ 

Listen if there was no earthquake, I’d say Tindarama Aman Sirom Simbuna is being completely ridiculous. If some white chicks showed their titties on a mountain and you arrested them and demanded 10 fucking buffalo I’d call it highway robbery. The Presidents daughter is going for 150 farm animals, and you think some no name British chicks are worth 10 wild buffalo? Get lost. Thats an absolutely ridiculous asking price.

But facts are facts here, there was a huge goddam earthquake on that mountain after those chicks were shaking their titties at the top. Do we have any direct proof that naked chicks upset the Mountain God and caused that earthquake? No, I suppose we do not. But do we have any proof that they didnt cause that earthquake? No, we dont have any proof of that either. So bottom line is I can understand this tribe operating under the assumption they cause that earthquake. I mean you certainly cant ignore the fact that there were naked white women at the summit of a mountain that subsequently experienced a natural disaster. Regular dumb white girl tourists acting slutty is worth about 1 buffalo. Dumb white girl tourists who inspire destructive acts of God are worth about 10 buffalo. Seems fair.

PS – How about this dad? “I have every faith in their judicial system…” Really dude? You do? Because they are demanding wild animals in exchange for your daughter’s freedom based on the lunatic notion that naked tits caused an earthquake. I think I’d have absolutely zero faith.

PPS – Definitely would with that first chick. Even if it meant risking being locked up in a Malaysian prison.