Giants-Eagles: The Race For First Place

Adam Hunger. Shutterstock Images.

See how easy it is to change the whole NFC Least narrative with a positive headline that rhymes? It doesn't matter that the Eagles are somehow more injured than they usually are right before a game on a short week, that the Giants have become a Twitter punchline alongside longtime doormat franchises like the Jets, Browns, and Bengals, or that the Cowboys will technically be in first place at least until the play the Washington District Of Columbia Football Team Of The National Football League on Sunday. 

So are getting excited for tonight's Eagles game like we always do before a big game under the lights in Philly.

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Since it's a night game against the Giants, you knew these fucking rags were coming out that instantly boosts every Eagle at least 5 Speed/Strength/Overall points and just as much a reason why the Giants have been awful in Philly recently as any of the donkeys that were the head coach.

If you thought Eagles fans were rowdy for a 1:00 game against an AFC team they see once every four years, I shudder to think what those maniacs have planned for each other on an NFC East game night with first place on the line and their football heroes wearing their All Black Everythings.

Coach Judge knows what's up.

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God I love that man, even if he's a Philly guy at heart. I need to see Coach Judge act out this scene with his kids but replace Nick Cannon with the Philadelphia Eagles.

Not only is history and the black jerseys going against the Giants, but the Captain of Philadelphia is riding for them hard.

As someone that cashes a paycheck for the company built on the deal that man made with the devil, this makes me feel just about as bad as DeSean Jackson returning to the lineup tonight.

Obviously not having to face Miles Sanders, Zach Ertz, and Malik Jackson is nice (I honestly thought Alshon Jeffrey was cashing checks on the IR for another team at this point). But even though DeSean Jackson puts up one game a year where he catches two bombs, everyone says he is #back, before he disappears for the rest of the season, DeDe will forever own real estate in my brain even if he hadn't returned that Matt Dodge punt THAT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN KICKED IN BOUNDS. Thank God the Giants won a Super Bowl the next year or else that may still make me angry at the mere thought of it. 

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DeSean Jackson isn't the receiver I'm worrying about AS MUCH tonight, even though I'll always worry about him long after he retired, just like Jason Witten (who will likely play for the rest of our lives, hopefully very far from the NFC East). Travis Fulgham is the guy I'm worrying about since I saw his numbers in my fantasy league and was shocked at the games he's had.

I'm not sure if that means Fulgham will be sentenced to Bradberry Dungeon or will have to deal with Logan Ryan + Help. But he is clearly the guy I am most afraid of since I think/hope this new and improved Giants D will do a better job stopping Boston fucking Scott than they did last season.

The Eagles are also banged up on the offensive line. However, I fully expect Carson Wentz to somehow escape at least 3 different sacks and turn them into first downs, which will result in at least one hole in someone's wall in the Tri-State Area.

On the Giants side of things, the injury report isn't nearly as bad with not only Sterling Shepard actually coming back but Darius Slayton being off of the report altogether.

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This is glorious news not just because Shep is back or because Slayton is clearly our best receiver. But most importantly, we are finally getting our Darius Slay vs. Darius Slayton matchup that we were robbed of last season because Slay was hurt when the Giants faced the Lions. 

No word on if the Darius Slays go out to dinner together when they are in the same town.

Speaking of the passing game, this season's playcalling bugaboo isn't running Saquon directly into the middle of a bad line, it is using a physical freak like Evan Engram comically incorrectly.

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I've been trying to figure out how to spinzone this for Jason Garrett. Maybe he is used to having a tight end like Jason Witten that was as slow as he was unstoppable like Michael Myers or maybe Engram is only allowed to gain a certain amount of yards before the Football Gods yank his health from him. But the sooner we can stop seeing stats like these, the better, preferably not because Engram got hurt again.

While we are filling the Suggestion Box for Jason Garrett, would it be too much to ask to maybe unleash this freak of nature for an extra couple plays where running is an option?

We get Andrew Thomas starting back at left tackle, hopefully at the very least some extended looks at Matt Peart as well, and maybe a decent ref crew during a night game that doesn't miss blatant holding calls or delay of games while also calling ticky tack shit on touchdowns. Not that I would ever complain about the refs. Not my style.

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I'm sure there will be a bunch of Giants fans willfully rooting for the Eagles tonight because they think the Giants can suck more than the Jets the rest of the way, which may be the most insulting thought anybody has ever had about any Giants team ever, let alone one that was at least in every game except for one late into the 4th quarter. I'm personally already sick at the thought of having the entire NFL world watching our game in primetime because it pretty much always becomes a dunk contest on Giants fans.

But despite all the bad memories these night games in Philly have brought us, tonight is the first time this guy is leading us into battle in the City of Brotherly Love.

Let's go Giants. A win here and first place is (partially) ours with a Cowboys loss.