A Sex-Crazed Duck Named 'Bob' Is Terrorizing An English Town And Won't Stop Until He Fucks At Least TWO More Ducks

[Source] - Sex-mad Muscovy duck Bob has been lusting after postman Steve Hinds, The Sun revealed this month. But now his owner Donna Wilson has revealed Bob is horny for her, as well as anybody else who comes to their house. And she said she has admitted defeat after Bob found a way to jump over a 5ft fence she installed to stop him escaping from her home.

Teacher Donna, 45, reckons Bob, who already has a mate called Teddy, will need two more partners before he calms down and stops harassing everyone he meets.

“The first victim was a Pizza Hut delivery driver. Since then it’s been the postman, us, friends, locals, everyone."

There are two raging debates here. Man vs beast and horny vs satisfied. They may go hand in hand, either way we're looking at the ultimate showdown. A showdown that has gone on since humans learned to burn sticks and make fire. Now though? Well, humans in England are facing their biggest battle yet. 

Bob. The horniest fucking duck and living thing in the world. 

A duck so horny he started his attack on a postman named Steve Hinds. Since then? He's moved onto Pizza Hut delivery drivers. His own friends. Even his owner. It's complete anarchy that won't stop until his ridiculous demands are met. He has to fuck TWO more ducks! Who does Bob think he is? Lou Williams? How does this owner know he needs two more ducks? Feel like that's a completely made up number.

Anywho, I feel for this town. I'm in a war in my house. I got a mouse in my basement ceiling from under the deck and I've been losing it. I've had traps. I've had TWO companies come out. I've put up poison. I've sealed up the house with copper mesh. I've done it all. This bastard won't die. Every time I think I got rid of him, I hear the pitter patter. It's torture.

Now imagine if this is a horny mouse. I'd move in a heartbeat. I haven't even seen the mouse, but I just know it's not a horny mouse. Ducks are horny animals. Daffy? Super horny guy. 

I'd say ducks are by far the horniest looking animals out there. Them or monkeys. Look at this fucking guy, Bob: 

We need the people of England to step up here. Find the slutty ducks and bring them to this town. Let Bob circle around for some ducks of his own. You must put a stop to it. This is the start to the porn version of The Planet of the Apes. You can't be looking over your shoulder when you're trying to deliver pizza for a horny duck. Simply can't live that way.