Guy Who Broke Into a House And Then Baked a Potato And Raked Their Leaves Is The Most Pleasant Burglar Ever

AP - A New Mexico man is facing charges after police say he walked into an unlocked home, stole car keys and stunned a resident who found him baking a potato and raking leaves. Patrick Lynn Waits, 45, was arrested early Tuesday following a bizarre chain of events that confused residents of a Hobbs home, the Hobbs News-Sun reports (http://goo.gl/c3Bwsg ). A female resident awoke to noise in her kitchen, and found Waits allegedly wiping down a countertop and baking a potato in her microwave oven, police said. “She asked him what he was doing there, and he told her he was making a potato,” according to a police report. When told to leave, a criminal complaint says Waits walked outside and left his potato in the microwave. The report said Waits then went outside to rake leaves in the front yard. The female resident convinced Waits to stay by saying she wanted to pay him for his service, police said. The move was apparently a ploy to get Waits to stay long enough before authorities arrived, police said.

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Well that guy just seems pleasant. I cannot believe they called the police on him. He can break into my home any day. Whip up some food then go take care of some yard work. Seems like the perfect guy to work at an old folks home. Because there are 2 things that are universally true about old people: 1) They will always offer you food. You can walk into any old person’s home with a shirt on that says “Not Hungry, Just Ate”, while having your jaw wired shut and they will still tell you every food item they have in the house and start preparing something for you. And 2) They have bad limbs/joints/everything. Fuck, I’m 26 and I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I’m so worried that 36 year old Nate is going to be confined to a rascal scooter. I have no idea how people older than 50 are still walking. I’m in for a world of hurt (I should really start going to the gym again and eat less pizza but then again that sounds like a lot of work while sitting on the couch and eating pizza is significantly less work).