Oh, the movie you looked most forward to watching this year was pushed back indefinitely because coronavirus choked out the entire world? Don't worry, John McClane is here to save the day. Again. I know the #NoFreeAds policy here at Barstool and all that hullabaloo. But when cinematic art is created it's up to us to blog it and John McClane wearing the 4-5 like Jordan in a commercial full of the best action, drama, comedy, and cameo appearances from the greatest movie ever made fits that description to a tee.
I thought my beloved Giants getting their first dub of the Coach Judge Era would be the highlight of my Sunday. Nope! Instead it was unexpectedly meeting up with my old friends John, Argyle, and Theo in a super entertaining yet completely believable commercial since John McClane strikes me as a guy who ends up with a dead car battery no less than twice a year, more than likely at the worst possible moments like a snowy day or a Monday where he has an 11/10 hangover. Shout out to Bruce Willis for continuing to cash that check for a character he created 32 years ago and another RIP to Alan Rickman who I missed more than ever as his absence loomed over this entire wonderful commercial despite some of the greatest side characters ever reprising their roles, which I ranked here.
Official Updated Die Hard Movie Rankings:
1. Die Hard
2. Die Hard With A Vengeance
3. Die Hard Battery Commercial
4. Die Hard 2
5. Live Free Or Die Hard
6. A Good Day To Die Hard
Lights Clemra (get it?) Barstool Rating: 100%. Buttered With A Liter Of Cherry Coke And A Box of Reese's Pieces. Highest possible rating.
I just learned that the guy who played Ellis is named Hart Bochner, which is so goddamn perfect. I wish we could have gotten that scumbag smile on the big screen but also appreciate the director of this fine
film commercial being true to the Die Hard universe and the hole in the back of Ellis' head that would have made that cameo impossible
P.S. The new(ish) guy just gets it