Let's Stop the 'AJ Green to the Patriots' Talk Before it Goes Any Further

Nothing about what I'm about to say is based on any sort of specific reports by credible sources. It's not like we've got your major, go-to insiders teams and agents leak stuff to like Adam Schefter or Jay Glazer or Mike Florio pushing AJ Green-to-New England rumors. We don't know about Ian Rapoport because he's in the NFL Network's timeout chair for some stupid reason. 

Any conjecture about a possible move by the Pats to get Green is based on this bit of lip-reading that appears to be a cry for help, the Patriots perceived lack of [cliche alert] a, and the usual assumption that if a sometimes talented skill position player is disgruntled, he's going to be welcomed into Bill Belchick's warm, loving embrace where he'll finally find understanding and compassion and become gruntled once again. We've already heard it this year about Odell Beckham Jr. Like we've done every year for the past five seasons at least. We heard it about Allen Robinson, Jr. Some of it coming from me because I wholeheartedly approve that message. Plus there's an ancient history here that includes former unhappy Bengals like Corey Dillon and Chad Johnson. So it's only natural that we'll get it from yet another guy wearing out his welcome in Cincy and seeking his redemption in Foxboro. Cue the obligatory GIF. has New England as one of four landing spots for Green for all the above mentioned reasons. As well as the fact Belichick swung a deadline deal for Mohamed Sanu last year. 

But no. A hundred, thousand times no. Please let me crush this rumor while it's still in the egg and burn its nest before it hatches and destroys us all. 

Giphy Images.

Why? How's this for a reason?

Giphy Images.

I've never put out so little effort in my professional life, and I used to work for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. With union protection. And still I knew my rep would never back me up if I was this negligent on the job. Nor should they. 

A.J. Green is a freakishly gifted physical specimen who has been wildly productive in his career on a string of unsuccessful teams. In his first seven seasons, he cracked 1,000 yards six times. Even last season, when he only played nine games, he was tied for his career best in YPC with 15.1. But he is mentally checked out at this point. 


The only other explanation is that he's too banged up to make the slightest effort on a ball over his head or the subsequent tackle after the interception he chose not to prevent. And while that's better than quitting on a play, it's only by a matter of degrees. 

Because bear in mind, Green was franchised this year. He's getting $18 million to show the kind of hustle you'd come to expect to see behind the glass when you say "I need to renew my registration." Pro rate that, and it means he's made $3.6 million so far, which works out to about $257K and change for each of his 14 receptions so far  (with 8.5 yards per catch).

Maybe it's personal with me. Because in one of those things I don't like to talk about here because I try to keep various parts of my life compartmentalized, I got him in one of the early rounds of my Fantasy draft this year. Still, it seemed like I got him cheap. And for that, he's produced 11.90 points. That's good for 281st in my league. He's a disaster, clearly at the end of the line and just suiting up to cash checks, but retired-on-the-job.

There's simply no way Belichick adds that guy to a locker room that has already put up with more than any team should have to. Or pay a guy even a fraction of that kind of money. If he does for some bizarre reason, I will not reverse field and claim retroactively I like the move. And if he does and somehow gets a reasonable facsimile of pre-2019 A.J. Green, I will be the wrongest I've even been and own up to it. But still. No. Not happening. Not in this lifetime.