Hot damn. Every time you think the internet is a hellscape of darkness and cruelty, it delivers a gem like this and totally redeems itself. There's been a proliferation of "Good News" Twitter accounts over the past few months, and with good reason. We need them as a palate cleanser after all the footlong turd sandwiches we're constantly being fed. But as much as I appreciate heartwarming videos of old people dancing and animals playing with kids, this is my idea of literal "Good News." News being delivered in a way that is good.
And check out the reaction of these poor anchors. Do you think they welcomed a moment like this in careers spent delivering news in Wichita? How many tornado reports and farm price updates can you do before you need a good, wholesome story about a man "fixin' to blow up" the Home Depot men's room? Judging by his reaction, this made Ian's decade.
Finally, let's not forget that this anonymous bathroom user isn't a criminal. He's a goddamned American hero. He's the Richard Jewel of the Wichita home improvement retail industry. He didn't threaten lives, he saved them. Few other men would've been so courteous and we need to acknowledge his selflessness. And I for one can't wait for the Clint Eastwood movie about him.