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Pole Dancing Is Actually Sexist To Chubby Men

There I was minding my own damn business and checking the litany of positive comments on my posts, reels, and stories. It’s overwhelming how overwhelmingly positive our readers are.

Wouldn’t you know it, I click the discover page and this woman is spread eagle and spinning around topsy turvy reminding me of Pink’s iconic performance of Sober at the Grammy’s in 2009. Ah, I remember it like it was just 11 years ago.

Anyway, do people who can do this think about those of us who can’t? I’ll never be able to spin like a top that is whistling at high speeds to the jubilant jubilations of children during Hanukkah.

If I did that, my sensitive and dandruff-ridden skin would peel like a wilted flower in the forbidden wing of the Beast’s cursed mansion. Unlike the Beast, I would be left to lick my wounds without the soothing hand and tea of Mrs. Potts. Look, if you wanna dance, Be Our Guest. This woman knows that. Pink knows that. Just keep the core work to a minimum.

While artistic expression is lovely and needed in a dimly lit society struggling with depression and anxiety, I cannot abide targeted, intentional, and non-verbal braggadocio. 

Therefore, I will be blocking this woman on Instagram and Twitter.

Thank you.

I hope those spins were worth the news cycle you just put us through, Alyssa.