Officials Warn Against Eating Fish Found In Flooded Newark Streets

NEWARK — Newark officials are warning people to not eat fish that were caught or found in flooded sewers, rivers, streams, and ponds after heavy rains doused the city. The alert was issued Monday by the city’s Health and Community Wellness Department. Officials urged people to not trap, catch or eat any fish caught on the streets because it’s unclear how “exposure to elements outside of their natural domains will affect them.”

Listen I’m a humble guy. I am a huge proponent of self awareness. I know what I know, and I know what I dont know. And if I dont know something, I will tell a person to talk to me like I am a retarded person so that I understand it. People who act like know it alls are the fucking worst. Sometimes you need someone with a little more knowledge than you to break some shit down.

But if you need city officials to tell you to not eat sewer fish, well I just dont know what to tell you. You need to retire from the human race. You are literally too stupid to live if you are eating fish that you found in the flooded streets of Newark, New Jersey. As a matter of fact, officials should just keep their mouths shut, let these people eat sewer trouts, and let them die. Natural Selection. Population Control. Weed out the members of society who go fishing in the streets during floods. The people who see a fish floundering on the sidewalk in a puddle and grab it thinking “Yum, dinner!” need to get the fuck off the planet.

Now its not like fishing in the Hudson or one of these local lakes or rivers is a good idea either, but if you’re fishing in Jersey sewer water outside your flooded apartment, thats just some next level grimy behavior that I can’t even wrap my mind around. Thats some Frank and Charlie behavior. Boil some denim and go to dinner and eat sewer fish with rum ham.