The Perfect Crime Does Exist! A Public Library Employee Allegedly Stole At Least $1.5 Million Worth Of Printer Toner And Sold It Online

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(Source)- The Office of the Austin City Auditor released an investigative report Monday, in which evidence found that a former Austin Public Library employee bought at least $1.3 million dollars worth of printer toner by using library issued credit cards and was reselling it online.

The person accused of the crime, former Accounting Associate on tenure Randall Whited, had access to ten credit cards and was responsible for buying supplies for the library, including printer toner. After reviewing the purchasing history of the credit cards, the City Auditor’s office found that Whited had bought at least $1.5 million in toner alone between the dates of October 2007 and July 2019. Usage information suggests that the APL would have needed no more than $150,000 worth of toner during that time frame.

Along with the stolen printer toner, Whited was also accused of using library issued credit cards to make fraudulent personal purchases; totaling up to $15,000 worth of electronics, such as video games, virtual reality headsets, robotic vacuums, and a drone from a big-box retailer, according to the report from the Office of the City Auditor.

Now THIS is a criminal mastermind I can get behind. Fuck Danny Ocean and his extremely intricate plans to rob three super secure casinos. My guy Randall Whited is allegedly the theif of the common man (thief spelled incorrectly on purpose). Why break your back recruiting the best thieves on the planet to pull off a legitimate heist against a vindictive prick like Terry Benedict only to split $160 million between 11 people when you can just buy some printer toner on the work card, toss it on eBay, and live off that milly for a decade? How much toner do you really have to steal to hit that $1.5 million mark? Five cartridges? Hiding a $1.5 million painting requires more space than it does to hide $1.5 million in toner, especially when you slow play it by stretching your scheme out TWELVE years. There's a reason Billy Leotardo was cashing big bucks for the Lupertazzi crime family selling toner cartridges out of the back of his truck.

While I would personally never steal from Barstool because it's not my style and I'm petrified of Portnoy, I don't blame library employees if they wet the beak on the company's dime. You can't make any noise in your workplace without getting shushed, you spend God knows how much of your day restocking the shelves using the oppressive Dewey Decimal System, and have to deal with the weirdos that use the library's computer lab in the year 2020 of our Lord. 

Not that I'm saying Randall Whited is guilty of the crimes he is accused of. Far from it. I mean does this look like the face of someone that would spend a bunch of stolen money on video games and virtual reality headsets?

I withdraw that question, Your Honor while also admitting Mr. Whited doesn't look like a lifeguard either.