Dookie Stained Tightey Whiteys and After Practice Fight Club: Vintage Nebraska Football In A Nutshell
Locker rooms are a weird, weird place.
So many great stories take place behind the scenes and away from the prying eyes of the public, that it’s rare to get a glimpse behind the curtain. And I’m not talking about the time Gilbert Arenas got caught with an entire arsenal in the Verizon Center locker room. I’m talking about the funny and weird day-to-day events that break up the monotony of practice.
Prince Amukamara and the Boys talked about a string of locker room stories on the latest episode of Bussin’ and BOY was it eye opening.
The first thing that they touched on that caught my attention was on the subject of dirty, tighty whitey underwear. Apparently, there are a ton of football playing men running around in shit stained drawers. It’s actually a very common thing. No joke, they spent multiple minutes dissecting and recounting and regaling how dirty the male asshole is.
I reprinted this exchange in its entirety, because frankly, I’m speechless:
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WILL: Remember the locker the dookie stain story?
PRINCE: I don’t! Refresh my memory!
WILL: OK fine. Now that I actually think about it? You are always the best at taking jokes of anyone I’ve been around. Probably the best at getting jabbed at I've ever seen in my life.
PRINCE: Don’t shoot yourself down. You’re top 5. Got to be Top 5 at taking jokes.
WILL: Having Prince around is always so fun because you can hear the elevation in his voice and he goes with everything that happens. Prince came in and he always wears the high white underwear. And people would just GET ON HIM! And he would be like, “What’s wrong with these?” One day after practice, there’s like little shit stains, back when everyone wore white tighteys. Prince’s were EXPOSED in the locker room, passing it around and chirping him. Picked it up, tossed it at him. You don’t recall?
PRINCE: That is what I call FAKE. NEWS.
WILL: You cant have fun with this and admit?
PRINCE: I don’t recall.
TAYLOR: It sounds like you’re NOT the greatest at taking jokes.
PRINCE: Were they really mine? Maybe they weren’t dookie stains.
TAYLOR: Bro, that happened to everybody. I don’t know what it is about athletes in college, but the male asshole? It must be the dirtiest fucking thing in the entire world. That shit was everyone in the locker room. Dudes take their shorts off? You take your underwear off and look down and it’s like what the fuck, do I even wipe? I think when you get older you start taking some serious ownership of your asshole. I don’t know why.
Okayyyyyy.
Another subject that they wandered into discussing was the topic of a certain locker room fight club that took place during Will and Prince’s time at Nebraska in the late 2000s.
Boxing gloves, a cell phone camera, and daily matches after practice, in nothing but their sweaty, shit stained high waisted old man white underwear (I don’t know if this is true but this is what I imagine).
A-mazing.
Now folks, that Nebraska team had some bruisers on it and I’m not talking about our favorite linebacker Will Compton. They had Lavonte David, Rickey Thenarse, Quincy Enunwa, and Ndamakong Suh. Prince and Will discussed their time in the fight club in detail but they had differing views on Prince’s boxing skills.
WILL: I know you remember the boxing ring [at Nebraska].
PRINCE: Do you have the videos? I took on Suh, I took on Rickey Thenarse, who else did I take on?
WILL: You didn’t take them on for real, dude!
PRINCE: It doesn’t matter. I still took them on!
WILL: You got in the ring and got frontal with him, and right when he started to press, you ran off. Doesn’t mean you faced them!
TAYLOR: You ran off?
WILL: He’s ALL TIME. At the end of summer workouts, the last day before we got a little break, we would always have last conditioning … we’d all come into the locker room, and there would be a set of gloves for each side, and people would make people go into the ring and box. It was like a summer end fight club.
PRINCE: Right!
TAYLOR: What’s Rule #1 of Fight Club, though?
WILL: Right. When I said that I was like, fuck!
PRINCE: Do you still think they do that at Nebraska?
WILL: Nah. I would assume no. That was more a locker room thing, it’s not like the coaches told you to do it. They actually got made when they found out about it.
The question is, are there fight clubs in any NFL locker rooms? If the answer is no, why not? Who still hasn’t learned how to clean their own ass? Have they not heard of Dude Wipes? I’m puzzled and bewildered and OH SO curious.
Which players/coaches would you pay PPV money to watch square up in a locker room? Which NFL player do you think has the dirtiest underwear? Drop below in the comment section.
For more of this riveting locker room talk, listen to the full episode in the link below: