Parrots - or birds in general - are not to be trusted. "Polly wants a cracker" turns into "go drown you fucking disgrace" far quicker than you may think. The same thing goes for bird owners. Someone who goes out of their way to purchase a pet - only to acquire a fucking bird - is a fucking psychopath. The cage, the flying, the poop, everything. It's all fucking nuts and quite frankly, no human should go through it.
Even choosing to go to the bird section of the zoo is a wild move. Like there are goddamn tigers and giraffes walking around this place and you're gonna go watch the birds? Couldn't be me. Then again, zoos in general are largely a waste of time. Who wants to spend money to go watch a bunch of animals just live their lives in a habitat they most certainly don't want to be in? Whatever, it's more of a kids thing anyways. I digress.
A British wildlife sanctuary has been forced to separate five parrots who wouldn't stop swearing at visitors. Keepers say the birds encouraged each other to keep cursing, and had to be moved from the main outdoor aviary.
I mean, talk about worst-case-scenario here. You've planned your trip to the zoo months in advance. The kids are happy, excited; they want to see the animals. You get there and next thing you know some bird is calling your kid a cunt (the zoo is in England, after all). All of a sudden the other birds jump in and unleash a cavalcade of verbal abuse unto you and your entire family. Certainly not ideal but you clearly have to prepare for it.
At that point, you've just paid money to be belittled by a bunch of feathery bullies. You could do the same for zero cost on twitter.com.
Billy, Eric, Tyson, Jade and Elsie were removed from view this week, The Associated Press reports. They recently joined the Lincolnshire Wildlife Centre's colony of 200 African gray parrots in August, were put in quarantine together and quickly overwhelmed the staff with their naughty language.
First things first. Those are terrible bird names. Billy? Jade? Fucking Eric? While I can somewhat appreciate the dark humor in naming a bird Tyson (as in the chicken nugget maker), can we maybe try a little harder? These are all real people's names, not fucking bird names. God forbid we throw in a Mr. Beak or something even remotely quirky. Let's spice it up a little for chrissakes.
These birdkeepers should be more concerned with whomsoever is teaching them such language. That's the much larger problem here. Sure it's funny to hear a bird say "fuck," it's not so funny when they are able to put together coherent sentences capable of ruining your entire day. While you can somewhat respect teaching birds out to swear purely for comedic purposes, it's probably best to put an end to it. Despite the visual of a zoo worker just whispering obscenities into a random parrot's ear being outrageously hilarious.
"We are quite used to parrots swearing, but we've never had five at the same time," the center's chief executive, Steve Nichols, told AP. "Most parrots clam up outside, but for some reason these five relish it."
Nichols told BBC News that the parrots "swear to trigger reaction or a response," so seeing people shocked or laughing only encourages the birds to curse more.
These five parrots just absolutely run shit. They fucking own this place regardless. The bad boys of the zoo. If these parrots don't like the cut of your jib best believe you're getting a verbal beatdown.
Not only that but they feed off reaction? So they start you off with a quick easy "shit" just to get you to laugh then it starts getting real. More and more parrots pile on until you can't do anything except run or cry. Or both. Even other parrots probably fear these five bastards. Everyone knows they run shit and have no choice but to respect them.
Personally, I'm all for having these birds shower guests with curse words. It's fucking electric. Sadly, people these days just don't like to have fun. They care about their kids and other stupid shit. Pathetic.
PS - no video of these particular birds but I just had to leave a video of a parrot swearing.