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Man Goes Through Trouble Of Stealing Helicopter In Attempt To Break His Wife Out Of Jail, Gets Air Sick And Gives Up

By no means am I an escape expert. Nor do I have extensive knowledge pertaining to prison in general. I do, however, have common sense. Common sense tells me that - based solely on the text in the tweet above - this guy is one of the stupidest humans to ever grace this earth. Next time you plan on stealing a helicopter to break your wife out of jail, maybe you should think of a fake name. 

That being said, I've always felt like everyone should have a back-up name. You know, in case you find yourself in a pickle where such pseudonyms are necessary. Sebastian Jenkins is my go-to in a pinch. Just two random names that sound like they could be a real person. I keep Samuel Wadhams and Randy Lahey (h/t Ricky) in my back pocket too just in case I feel like the name Sebastian won't fly. I digress. 

It just feels like if you're gonna go through the effort of, you know, STEALING A HELICOPTER you should pick a fake name for the sign-in sheet. 

Source

A criminal who hijacked and diverted a helicopter in mid-air in an attempt to break his wife out of a Belgian prison has been arrested after detectives found he used his own name to book the flight.

Mike Gielen, 24, threatened the helicopter’s pilot using a replica handgun as he sought to spring Kristel Appelt, 27, from Berkendaal women’s prison in south Brussels on Friday, where she was being held on suspicion of murdering an ex-boyfriend.

Giphy Images.

Wait. So he's breaking out his wife… that allegedly killed her ex-boyfriend? Awfully bold. The heart wants what the heart wants, I suppose. 

Is it me or does helicopter extraction feel like the loudest, most obvious jail escape of all time? No, I'm sure nobody will notice the giant fucking helicopter that just landed in the courtyard. 

Even if they somehow pulled the proverbial rabbit out of the hat, what are they supposed to do? Everyone has just seen them pull off this Grand Theft Auto bullshit, authorities included. I'm sure they'll have a tough time trailing the helicopter from the prison. Not only that but the guy signed his fucking name prior to the helicopter ride in the first place! He's fucking toast. 

The helicopter circled the prison several times but Gielen’s plan was foiled as the pilot was unable to land within the courtyard. While the helicopter flew over the prison the inmates cheered and waved, but Gielen became nauseous and had to put his head out of the helicopter five times to be sick.

Oh heavens no. You hate to see that. He just went through so much for so little. This man just went through the trouble of plotting out this whole elaborate escape just to get airsick and give up. You literally couldn't write a better ending. That's what you get for trying to play hero ball to bail out your (alleged) murderous wife. 

I like to imagine all the inmates circled around, awaiting his descent for the off chance they too can hop on and escape, only to see this bastard throw up every time he went in to scoop. Cheers quickly turn into boos as they all heckle him for being a "pussy" and this guy's day only gets worse. 

The pilot was then instructed to fly to Hélécine, a town south of the Belgian capital, where a getaway car was waiting in a car park. Gielen was later found with his 50-year-old adoptive father.

The two men and a further two suspects, aged 18 and 22, were arrested within 24 hours of the failed prison break after detectives found Gielen had used his own name when booking the helicopter at Deurne airport near Antwerp.

So they just left? Without her? 

Giphy Images.

The whole thing was for nothing! They just gave up and went to the getaway car! What a calamity of errors. You have to imagine the wife is NOT happy about the whole thing. I mean, just what an absurd turn of events. 

If you're gonna go down in this situation, it feels like you should have at least accomplished the task at hand. Otherwise, these guys are just going to jail for literally nothing. What was even the point of stealing the helicopter? Trick question, there wasn't. The whole thing was pointless. 

Hopefully, the lot of them are resorted to living in jail for the rest of their lives just because they are so, so incredibly stupid.