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This Dude Getting Launched Out Of A Bar By The Bouncer While His Friends Giggle Is Simple And Perfect Internet

I'd say 50-55 is a good guess for total times I watched this clip throughout the posting process. Could be more. That's probably the number my subconscious gave me because 100 was embarrassing.  I mean it was exactly how you would picture a dumb blogger watching a dumb video of a dumb kid and his dumb friends. Just spaced out and brainless, a blob of human mindlessly clicking play and giggling as a reflex to giggles. Click play, giggle, click play, giggle. Click, giggle. The non cartoon Homer with nothing but a monkey banging cymbals in his empty head. 

Normally I make a GIF to just put it on loop, but it wasn't the same without the sound (putting in ping-pong mode was a little mesmerizing though):

And it was really the best hour I've had in a while. It made my whole day, this kid getting launched outside through a closed door. Which made me think. I feel like the internet needs a little bit of a regression, not forever but maybe just a little bit, so people could have some more best hours. 

Like the content I mean, to regress; the technology can stay on that nice upward slope, I'm good not going back to a life of dial-up AOL and Halle Berry scenes in Monsters Ball getting up to 88% or so buffering on Morpheus before my mom answers the phone and kicks me off.  But it would be great if this blazing fast internet was serving up nothing but the low quality SD videos of stupid humor and meme people doing what would make them that meme. 

After those 6 months of quarantine, for a guy living alone whose job is to consume as much of the internet as possible, which, coincidentally, is exactly his hobby is and what he spends all his non-work time doing …well, I won't say it's a grind per se, grind feels physical. It feels like it might be disrespectful to… oh I don't know, healthcare and manual labor workers are two off the top of my head, and maybe like,  anyone who works….no that's good, I can stop there. Just anyone.  (I mean I'd love to see someone keep writing with eyes half closed from screen damage, it's no stroll through Candyland. Plus a spine bent in like, a Q? definitely not its original shape because I have horrible posture that I can't fix.  But its ok I won't complain I don't even notice it.)  

But it's something, something bad and hard about being on the internet a lot in this fucking year 2020: doomscrolling Twitter non stop, death counts getting higher each day, articles about a virus with a bunch of facts on how to protect yourself, then updates with NEW facts that contradict the ones you just read. That was shitty enough, and we didn't even hit the next rush of guests to the shit party:  politics nonstop, racism, protests, rioting, looting, people being killed, cops being killed, that fucking like, apocalypse fire that was just complete overkill and simply mean-spirted to add on top. Just so much bad that logging on everyday felt like a punishment, as if the Internet was a depressant, like Lexapro or Zoloft but the exact, complete opposite. 

Sure you could log off I guess, if that's an option for you, but I think it's time for a reboot instead. Star Wars kid swinging his sword around in a garage full of cats sitting in things in which it doesn't quite fit. You get the idea. Simple and stupid. That sounds nice. 

Anyway that's what I came up with to get something productive out of the time I spent on this fucking instagram.