4th of July Collection | Now Available at the Barstool StoreSHOP HERE


Good Luck To The Chicago White Soxes Tonight

Not trying to start a fist fight but even when the White Sox are awesome, they can’t get respect. National media forgets the 2005 World Series even existed much less who won it. The list of offenses is innumerable and now we add the Jewel(s) bakery (icing division) right to the fucking top. Just a preposterous slap in the face to roll out full price cookie cake calling you the Soxes.

THAT SAID I know you’re local bakery is legit and has the freshest blah blah blah. But Jewel(s) cookie cake is a tier 1 dessert. Plays so well across all 4 seasons. 4th of July. Thanksgiving. Saint Patrick’s day. Name a holiday I’ll show you an effective cookie cake. Hard to beat a good one. Just continuously eating it throughout an entire day. It’s death by a thousand cuts to a family sized cookie cake in my house. Little slice here. Another there.

Anyways. Big fucking game tonight and boy do I need it. All you Sox fans ready to talk shit to me should know I have the lower hand in a bet to not cut my hair for like 6 months. So spare me your sob stories about how much better you guys are. Put some money where your mouth is. Throw the clippers out with WSD if the Cubs sweep otherwise cram it down your pie hole.

If I seem mad it’s because the cubs absolutely fucking suck lately. If the offense were a horse I’d take them out back and shoot them. I’m disgusted. I have no room to talk shit but here I am. You guys can’t even get cookie cake respect. Win or lose at least the Cubs have that.