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The MTA Might Actually Ban Pooping on All Subways and Busses

Source - The Metropolitan Transportation Authority’s board is slated to formally ban defecating on its subways, buses and transit facilities during its meeting on Wednesday.

The dirty deed is already barred under current rules, which subject any rider to a $100 fine for “create[ing] a nuisance, hazard, or unsanitary condition (including, but not limited to, spitting or urinating).” But the rule change will specifically add “defecating” to the list of bodily expulsions.

Complaints of “soiled” subway trains surged in 2019, according to MTA data. The agency had insisted at the time that the increase in reports of disgusting subway cars was the result of more vigilant riders — not worsening conditions.

Yet transit workers have long complained of nasty conditions on trains. The workers’ union, Transport Workers Union Local 100, launched a “Trash Train” photo contest last October to highlight the filth and protest cuts to cleaning crews. ...

The poop ban was first included in a host of new, temporary emergency rules issued back in April in response to the coronavirus pandemic. The board will vote on making the rules permanent on Wednesday. 

Just so all us non-NYC commuters know what's being discussed here, this is a link to the photo gallery from MTA riders on the Trash Train website. But be warned. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Never let it be said that government can't get things done. The good people of the Metropolitan Transit Authority saw a problem. They rolled up their sleeves. They got down to work. Addressed the problem head-on. And, presumably, will solve it. And it only took them ... what? From April until now. Is that right? 

No, that would be wrong. It took 116 for authorities to close the Poop Loophole. (The Poophole? Fine, I'll go with that.) The first nine miles of the IRT opened in 1904. And it took until 2020 for the people in charge to officially ban dropping a deuce on the trains. Dwell on that thought for a moment or two. For 116 years there was no formal rule against stocking the trains with sewer trout. They took the time to spell out "spitting and urinating," but I guess they somehow felt that specifically outlawing taking the Browns to the Super Bowl on your seat was draconian before now. 

And you have to love how it took the pandemic to get them to even "temporarily" ban that. I imagine that back at the start of the 20th century no one could imagine a dystopian, hellish future where crazy people drop trou and pinch out dukers in public places that the working class need in order to function and keep the city running. That was a time when people didn't walk to the corner store without putting on a suit and tie, so they can be forgiven. But subway poop wasn't invented once Covid hit. One can only imagine the government realized how ludicrous it is to put limits on funeral services, going to church or to restaurants for hygiene reasons, while maintaining subway poop as a basic human right. 

I'm no NYC strap-hanger, but I've got some experience in this area. I used to take the trains in and out of Boston every day. I'd get on at the last stop on the Green Line in Cambridge. (Lechmere Station, which I liked because I took German in high school and loosely translated, the word means "lick me.") As such, it's an above ground station with about a dozen rail lines with out of service trains all over the place. And one day after work I'm sitting on the trolley with a co-worker. It was about 4:45 and broad daylight. And the guy standing in front of us was peeing on the door. I mean directly in front of us. He saw us staring in disbelief and kind of sheepishly explained, "I have a ... bladder problem" as he zipped up. So I answered, "Well you've certainly done the right thing. It would be unreasonable to expect you to walk 50 feet over that way and go behind that train car" as he took his seat. Then I turned to the co-worker and said, "I should probably mention, I have a bowl problem ..." For the rest of the ride we watched maybe 50 cubicle monkeys, hospital workers and other assorted wage slaves step through a pile of human piss in their work shoes. 

That was in the 90s. And officials are only now just getting around to putting it in writing that you ought not to do that. That is, until someone sues for their right to drop a pile whenever and wherever they want on civil liberty grounds. Like in San Fran and LA, where you supposedly can go sledding down the sidewalks on a thick coating of human waste. Then they re-open the Poophole for good and keep it that way. So enjoy it while it lasts, MTA riders.