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The Danwagon Rolls Into Chicago With All Its Weapons Playing Together For The First Time Ever

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I don't know how the hell we actually made it to gameday with all of the Giants weapons ready to rock but I am not going to complain about it. I also don't know if we will ever see this unit together ever again considering Evan Engram pretty much lives with a red letter next to his name and Sterling Shepard is one concussion away from having Threat Level Midnight declared on his career if it's not already there. But for once our little lamb Daniel Jones has his full array of options healthy, or at least as healthy as humans who play this sport of 100 car crashes can be considered, and I cannot be more excited.

Save me all the talk about how the offensive line has to play better than last week too, Skip Bayless. Everyone knows that. Saquon getting taken down 5 yards behind the line of scrimmage is not how you make things easier for your 2nd year quarterback. I would give the O-Line some slack for playing their first game together in a shortened coronacamp against a nasty defense that dragged a team QB'd by donkeys last season to a 9-7 record and jusssst outside the playoffs. But I don't want to run laps for making excuses, so I won't. 

While the Bears front 7 may not be as great as the Steelers mob of misery, they sure as shit ain't no pushovers with Khalil Mack and Robert Quinn coming off the edge (even with both being a little banged up) while Akiem Hicks causes chaos up the middle against our brand new center, Alpha Male Nick Gates. That being said, I do take some solace knowing the Bears allowed 297 yards in the air to Matthew Stafford without Kenny Golladay last week (which would have been 300+ if D'Andre Swift caught that cookie in the end zone) and allowed Adrian Peterson to run for 93 yards on 14 carries despite being a member of the team for 14 minutes. If you do a Find & Replace of all the Detroit skill players that contributed to that near win before they went Full Lions (AP, Marvin Jones, Danny Amendola, TJ Hockenson, and [checks notes] Quintez Cephus) with the Giants skill players suiting up today (Barkley/Shepard/Slayton/Tate/Engram), it feels like the Giants should be able to move the ball on the Bears. Football works exactly like that instead of being completely nuanced sport due to different players, schemes, and styles, right?

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MAKE SECOND HALF ADJUSTMENTS THIS WEEK IF HALF OF THE OFFENSE ISN'T WORKING!!!

Shit, I'm turning into exactly what I hate: A Cowboys fan.

On defense, we need the 1st-3rd Quarter Big Blue defense that was able to make stops and tackles for the first time in years before running out of gas because the offense did little to help it after the 900 play drive that ended in a pick in the end zone. We also need 1st-3rd Quarter Mitch Trubsiky to show up instead of whoever the hell appeared out of the blue once the fours went in the air to give Matt Patricia yet another gagged away loss. I'm not sure how the fuck to stop Allen Robinson considering he put up numbers against the GMen with Trubisky and Chase Daniel playing quarterback since we are apparently going to play the Bears every season for the rest of our lives. I am doing my part by trying to start a Twitter troll farm to anger Allen Robinson enough to sit out today's game.

Luckily for us, James Bradberry pretty much faced freaks of nature on par with Allen Robinson at least 6 times a year in the comically wide receiver rich NFC South, so at least we have that going for us this year along with what appears to be linebackers that actually tackle. What a concept! I went into a much deeper discussion about with the Chicago guys on this week's Red Line Radio as well as defended the honor of Danny Dimes who caught a whole bunch of slander from Burrata Salad Chief.

So let's gear up and get excited about having a complete offense for at least the first play of the most winnable game of the schedule for the first month.

Speaking of gear, all our Big Blue merch is back in the store and ready to go on your backs as we watch this young group of pups get coached up into a [gasp] functional football team!