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Falwell Update: Kerri Reportedly Calls 911 After She Finds a Drunken Jerry Jr. at the Bottom of the Stairs in a Pool of His Own Blood

It's been a couple of weeks now since we've heard from America's First Couple of Evangelical Higher Education and Hotwife Sex with a Former Hotel Pool Boy While the (Alleged) Cuckold Husband (Allegedly) Watches

The last we checked in, Jerry Falwell Jr. had taken a $10 million severance package to step down from Liberty University. While Becki Falwell was being accused of having yet another rooster in her henhouse:

Which sort of buries the needle on the Irony Meter given that, according to Urban Dictionary, "Gettin' Becky" is defined as, "the act of oral sex. It's widely believed that only white girls give head, and many white girls are named "Becky"; ergo, gettin' becky: oral sex."

And frankly the silence from the happy couple was getting a little disturbing. I mean, you don't go from being among the spiritual leaders and moral arbiters of Christianity in America to admitting your wife was cheating on you and published reports of Becki Giving Becky to a student to just total radio silence the way they have. You can't go off the grid so suddenly. It's like slamming on the car breaks when you've been going 100 mph. Someone's going to get hurt. 

Which is exactly what appears to have happened:

Daily Mail - A 911 call made by Jerry Falwell Jr.'s wife just days after his resignation from Liberty University revealed he was losing 'a lot of blood' after falling down the stairs and hitting his head on a trash can while drunk. 

In the call from Bedford County, Virginia, on August 31, Becki Falwell tells a dispatcher that her husband was bleeding heavily and would not go with her to the hospital, according to the Huffington Post. 

First responders arrived to find Falwell with lacerations under his left eye, across the bridge of his nose, and above both his right and left eyes, as he slurred his speech with empty alcohol containers nearby.  …

He was plagued by a string of controversies culminating in a claim from a poolboy that he had an affair with Becki Falwell for years with the consent of her husband. 

Audio from the 911 call involves Becki Falwell telling the dispatcher that she had been at church at 11pm that night when she received a call from her husband to say he was injured. 

She says that she was forced to break a door in with a chair after finding their home locked and discovered her husband surrounded by 'a lot of blood right now' after a fall down the stairs. 

Becki confirmed to the dispatcher that her husband had been drinking but when asked if he was drinking heavily, she refused to cooperate stating: 'I'm not going to answer that question.'

She was told that the information was important to understand how severe his injuries were as alcohol thins the blood to which she responded: 'The more I tell you the name, the more you're going to understand why we're not talking to you right now'.

Liberty University imposes a strict code of conduct for its students which bans them from drinking alcohol. …

When first responders arrived to the scene, they found Jerry which head injuries from hitting his head on a trash can.

Ouch. Big, if true. And assuming it is, this is not what we want to see happening with the Falwells. Not at all. I think I speak for everyone when I say we prefer the happier times, when the (reported) sinning was all about adultery and voyeurism and the kinds of sex that aren't for procreation. Not getting drunk on your own while your wife is "at church" til all hours of the night and taking diggers down staircases like you're Peter Griffin:

Giphy Images.

… and then splitting your head open on a trash can.

But again, if true, it's also understandable. Some gentlemen might be into seeing their life partner doing the grungey tumble with a guy half their age or reading about her giving blowies to college kids who are in the band with their son. But even if you like that sort of thing, it's got to take a toll on a man. The kind of toll you sometimes self medicate with a little of the Demon Rum. Or a lot, as the case may be. After all, if you're already going to violate school rules prohibiting adultery, oral sodomy and relations between administrators and students, you might as well go for the Sin Superfecta of hitting the bottle. 

Here's hoping these two can straighten out their situation. But also that they keep making news. I don't remember the last time a celebrity couple was this fascinating. Keep doing you,, Becki.