Nobody Has Ever Hated Coffee As Much As French0nion Hates Coffee And All Coffee Drinkers

Here's a thing about me- I'm no longer supposed to drink coffee. Doctor's orders. I'm really not supposed to eat or drink anything that tastes good- spicy foods, gluten, dairy, coffee, alcohol...you name it, I'm probably not supposed to have it. My stomach is a nuclear bomb just waiting to explode at any given moment. I'm now on not one but two different medications to try and keep it under control/try to heal the scarring on my esophagus. I have two beers and my stomach hurts for a week. It's a whole big thing. But I love coffee. I just love it. There's not much I look more forward to than going to get coffee in the morning. I have a coffee maker in my household, but I still go every morning to my local *insert whatever national coffee chain is currently sponsoring us here* to get a cold brew. It makes my day. I love the routine of it, the taste of it, the way it triggers my brain. I'm 100% positive *redacted coffee chain here* puts additives in their coffee to keep us coming back every day. There's a reason I go there instead of making it at home, I crave it. 

But you know who doesn't crave it? You know who hates coffee more than anything? French0nion.

Broooooo! I love this. Somehow my tweet got on his timeline and he was like "oh, ABSOLUTELY NOT, NOT ON MY WATCH!". Dude fucking HATES coffee, and anyone who drinks it. Imagine not being dependent on stimulants to get through the day/life? Couldn't be me! I respect his hatred so much. But here's an interesting twist:

Hmmmm….weird. I mean Bailey was told to make a burner so he doesn't get in trouble for tweeting 10,000 times a day about nothing from his own account…and boy do they have some back and forths…

Oh yeah, totally NOT a burner. "These drugs totally AREN'T mine, officer!"

Besides that, shout out to all coffee drinkers, far and wide. Our lives are dictated by that little stupid bean, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Until my stomach explodes because of it, but whatever. Die doing what you love. 

PS: fuck you "nate".