This morning I sent this tweet as a gentleman was hanging my TVs. I don't know how to mount them. I don't know how to use tools, really. I could probably do it but I'm busy doing actual manly shit like writing blogs and recording podcasts, plus I bought a new TV and they do free installation so you bet your ass I'd rather have a professional hang a TV. But I suck at tipping. I'm a great tipper and once I know what the going rate is I always overtip, but I have no idea what to give the more unique jobs rather than the day-to-day things you tip people for. So I made the mistake of asking Twitter.
Now I will say many of the responses were helpful, some were even funny, but there's always a handful of tough guys who come out:
These are the same fellas who will be downright SHOCKED if you can't drive a stick shift, as if I'm supposed to also know how to start a Model T or some other antiquated piece of machinery. They'll ask you if you got a side of tampons with your frozen rose because REAL MEN say they'd drink the bathwater of random girls online after they dragged their balls through a mile of broken glass to sniff their fart, and then they'll give you a weird look when you have one too many froses and out of nowhere exclaim, "Ya know, I'd probably fuck Chris Hemsworth if he was into it." It's sad.
It's sad that they must attack me, a man whose creating jobs with his inability to do basic household tasks. Yea, you never thought about that, did you? If my parents hadn't sent me to a school without home ec or woodworking and I knew how to use a drill or find a stud then my guy would've been out of work this morning. He would've been sleeping in and collecting an unemployment check with the rest of the world that probably paid him more than his job does, but no: because of me he woke up this morning with a sense of purpose. You're welcome.
I don't need to know how to hang a TV to be a man because I have a penis, and that's good enough for me. Though, to be honest, I'm not sure that totally qualifies anyone anymore. I'm still working on learning the new rules.
PS - If you're curious I ended up tipping him 60 bucks. It took him like 30 minutes maybe. It was very, very easy for him. He must be a man.
PPS - obviously it's awesome if you know how to do these things. But if your first thought is "I'm a tough man because I know what a 1/8th ratchet is" (idk if that's a thing) then you're a little child like me.