Danny Noonan is Going to Caddy the US Open

Source - Michael O’Keefe — the actor who played Danny Noonan, the young, impressionable caddie in “Caddyshack’’ — will carry a bag on Monday and Tuesday in practice rounds at the U.S. Open, The Post has learned.

He won’t be on the bag for Ty Webb — aka Chevy Chase. Danny Balin will have to do.

And it won’t be at Bushwood Country Club. Winged Foot will have to do.

Danny will be caddying for Danny — Danny Balin, a 17-year Westchester resident who’s the head pro at Fresh Meadow Country Club on Long Island. 

My only question is a simple one: How has this not happened before now? 

What's been going on in Noonan's life that no one has hired him to be their looper all these years? Have there been a lot of complaints? Fooling around on the course, bad language, smoking grass, poor caddying? Could it be that Lou's been losing at the track and raised all the prices? At some point, his girlfriend was late for not being pregnant. At one point another hookup read his palm and said his fate line showed he'd make a lot of money. Either in the market or a game show. But his saliva line only indicated how hot she could make him. And she's been plucked more than the Rose of Tralee, I'm told

Advertisement

Has he been studying law? Personal privacy, noise statutes? Because the world needs ditch diggers too. Maybe he's been working at the lumberyard? Did he really enter the priesthood? Because he was thinking about it. I know at some point he was hoping to go to St. Copious of Northern ... Well, I just know there's a lot of badness in the world. And I know he had to decide whether he stands for goodness, or badness. I know how hard it is for young people today and I wanna help. I'd like to be his pal. Maybe share a Fresca

I don't know. Maybe I don't fully understand the importance of having a jock - a pro jock - carrying your bag. Where I come from it's considered skilled labor. Because when I was his age, I'd lug fifty pounds of ice up five, six flights of stairs. But if I was on Tour I'd hire this guy in a nanosecond. Or D'Nannunzio at the very least. Spaulding maybe, but he's got asthma and eats his boogers. So assuming Noonan's been available, it's a scandal that no one's hired him to carry their bag before. After all, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it? 

So thank you to Danny Balin for righting this injustice. I'm putting all money I've got on him because I believe with total consciousness that it's going to be a real Cinderella story. With Michael O'Keefe by his side, Balin will fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. And that's all she wrote. 

P.S. This is the perfect example of what I'm talking about when I say a blog writes itself.