Wham. Sauced. I’m man enough to admit I got boom sticked into orbit by that sweet lady who doubles as an Olympic Squatting Tank. The only chance I had was to go low and take the pins out, so naturally my gangly ass comes in high and hot. Let that be a lesson to you kids out there – The lower man always wins. Come to think of it, pulling a matador/Asante Samuel would have been a better play, too. And you’re damn right I went into that (and sadly most) weddings ready for an Oklahoma drill. It’s one step below declaring Prima Nocta for making your presence known during the celebration of marriage. If it’s not a test of manhood then call it a test of soldierly, then.
Seriously though that was my only suit and the wet grass/shitting myself 1-2 punch has put me in a bind smack dab in the middle of wedding season. Not good. Gonna have to see if I’m eligible to cash in that premium health insurance for some Milton’s. And by that I mean go take a jar to the supermarket Coinstar and then go straight to the thrift store.
PS – I thought we fared a little better in the chug off but I was upset at this game film, too. Legit thought I had her by half a cup but with that slamdown. Alas, the eye in the sky doesn’t lie.