Barstool vs. America presented by High Noon - Season 2 FinaleWATCH NOW

What Are You Supposed To If A Snake Bites Your Penis While You're Sitting On The Toilet?

How can any human being trust a snake? People genuinely keep these things as pets and it couldn't baffle me any more than it already does. The blood splatter on the toilet seat and wall in that picture is enough for me. Now I get that the snake that bit this guy's penis probably wasn't a pet - much more of an intruder - but the point still stands. There's just far too much downside to owning one of these little slithery bastards. 

An impressionable, devilishly handsome, young OMTE was actually petrified of this exact situation. When you're 10 years old and hear a story about a snake climbing up the toilet, it sticks to you. So there I was, checking the toilet for snakes every time I sat down. Like a sucker. Hindsight, I doubt there are many pipeline snakes in southwestern Connecticut, but hey, my dick was never bitten.

Source

A Thai teen lived out every man’s worst nightmare after a snake sunk its fangs into his penis while he was on the john.

“I looked down and saw there was a snake hanging in the toilet,” Siraphop Masukarat, 18, told Viral Press. His near-serpent circumcision occurred Tuesday, approximately 12 miles north of Bangkok, after the reptile allegedly infiltrated the plumbing.

Masukarat recalls watching smartphone videos on the toilet when all of sudden he felt a searing pain in his nether region. The university student looked down to discover a nightmarish sight — a 4-foot python with its jaws clamped around the tip of his penis.

Giphy Images.

Imagine you're just sitting on the toilet, enjoying a leisurely scroll of the ole' Tik Tok. Then BOOM. Snake bites your cock. The worst part about the whole thing is having to stand up with the FOUR FOOT long python hanging off your body. 

What are you even supposed to do in that situation? You can't just rip off the snake, that would only make things worse. Perhaps you could try to give it a little McGregor 1-2 and pray it lets go. Personally, I'd just crumple like a lawn chair and let the snake finish me off. The pain, trauma, and shock of it all would be too much for me. All I know is that this guy is never gonna casually sit on a toilet again and that's a shame. Some of the best thinking is done when you just sit on the toilet for half an hour. 

At that point, the horrified boy stood up with the snake still attached, and slammed the door on the reptile, causing it to release its grip.

That works too. A little brutish for my liking - and I know for sure my mother would NOT be happy that I got snake all over her bathroom door - but beggars can't be choosers.

Giphy Images.

From the snake's point of view, it makes sense. That son of a bitch is just slithering through dark pipes only to find this poor guy's c and b dangling like fresh fruit off a tree. Of course, it's gonna take a stab at it, much to the dismay of our friend Siraphop. It would have been a lot more convenient had the snake just taken a little nibble of his leg or something. But no. It had to bite him in literally THE WORST possible spot.

Noticing her son’s distress, the teenager’s mother attempted to calm him down before emergency services rushed the poor soul to the hospital to have his mangled member repaired. Thankfully, doctors were able to stitch up Masukarat’s wound and sterilize it using an antibiotic wash.

”The doctor said my penis can be used as a normal soon,” gushed the grateful teen, who is currently recovering at the hospital.

Modern medicine is fucking wild. You'd think that a snake bite directly to the penis would be the end of things for said penis. Like yeah, it sucks that he nearly got his dick chomped off by a snake but you could argue that it's far better than actually having your dick bitten off. He honestly has to be thankful it wasn't a venomous snake, otherwise, we'd be dealing with a completely different situation here. 

All told, this could've gone way worse for this guy. Could've ended up as eunuch like Lord Varys as far as he's concerned. He could've even died a slow, painful death via snake poison in his cock. None of that happened and he's gonna be alright. Gotta appreciate the little victories in life.

PS - Of course I have to end this blog with Ricky getting his penis bitten by a snake. 

"What're you saying Trevor" never fails to kill me.