Opening cut, "Hi Michael, I'm Amanda."
Bam, easy. Ok this is for a dating app. She's older so it's not gonna be on Tinder, Amanda looks like a serious gal who's looking for something real. Perhaps eharmony? Match.com, maybe? Probably not Jdate with that haircut but you never know.
*Jewelry starts being put on*
Oh no, it's for Zales. She's going on a first date but she's gotta look shiny. She wants to make a good first impression and what better way to do that then stop by an abandoned mall and loot the diamond store that a homeless man has now made into his home.
Fuck is it a commercial for boots? Ugly boots, on top of that? The kind of boots that I try to take off a girls foot without realizing there's a zipper so I kinda pull and tug like an infant for a while before she says "I'll do it" to prevent me from breaking her foot?
*Amanda looks at the picture*
OH NO IT'S ASIAN BABIES! IT'S A COMMERCIAL SELLING LITTLE ASIAN BABIES!
"Inspired days start with Inspired Closets"
Well, I guess it's good they're not selling small children and instead are just selling nice closets. But the bad news is I already have a go-to spot for both of those things and it's wayfair.com. Reasonably priced missing children and shoe storage containers in one spot? You can't beat that.