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Excessively Horny Florida Woman Arrested After Trying Out Sex Toy in Adult Store

You think you know what being horny feels like? Well if you're not willing to risk jail time, you do not.

Florida woman Theresa Stanley was arrested on charges of theft and indecent exposure after she removed a sex toy from its packaging and began using it right there in the middle of the adult store in Fort Pierce.

The Smoking Gun — A Fort Pierce cop was dispatched early Tuesday evening to the Lion's Den Adult Superstore “in reference to a disturbance,” according to an arrest affidavit. En route to the business, a dispatcher noted that “there was a female in the store wearing a purple shirt and had on no pants.”

Before the officer entered Lion's Den, a worker explained that the masturbating suspect had “removed a sex toy from the packaging and was now fully nude.” The woman, the worked added, had disappeared into a stock room with the sex toy.

Well now the stock room part of this story changes everything. I was led to believe this woman dropped her pants in the middle of an aisle and started going to town, but she had the decency to go to a private room to test out a potential purchase. I contend all she needs to say is that she had every intention of either returning the toy or completing the purchase and then there is no prosecutable behavior there.

Plus, this is Florida. In the words of Ron White, those cops passed three meth labs and a dead hooker just to get to that adult toy store.

I'm a fan of law and order as much as the next guy, but there was no crime committed here — unless you count the grand theft auto charges against Stanley which were already currently pending. You win some, you lose some.