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This Tinder Chick's Bio Has Completely Figured Out The Basic Situation For Every Guy On The App

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I have to say that I’ve never seen something so perfectly encapsulate what this blog every week is all about. We’ve got all sorts of weird chicks, creeps, and some people saying genuinely hilarious things but ultimately it boils down to one thing: There’s still A LOT of motherfuckers out there still swiping right no matter how dark it gets. Even if Lucia here is hipster Jimmy Neutron on the right here, she’s still getting swipes. That’s the name of the game on Tinder, Lucia gets it.

 

And so begins another week of the Tinder Roundup. Lots of good stuff submitted by Stoolies as always — hit me up with yours on Twitter (my DMs are open so you don’t look like a weirdo to your friends) — and possibly the most perfect chick ever kicks off the hot/NSFW section this week so you’ve got that to look forward to. Thanks for reading and sending stuff in, let’s get to it!

 
 

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COULD HAVE TOLD US THIS BEFORE ALL THE ARRESTS, AVERY (via @L_A_B_10)

 

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Still would (via @coreymeadows)

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If there’s a worry in life that can’t be solved by trading drugs for getting loads swallowed, I haven’t seen it (via @ShoelessJoe12)

 

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Classic boy meets girl, boy falls in love with online mistress and wears girl’s underwear with dildos in his butt so girl breaks up with boy and probably has a lot of therapy bills situation, like out of a romantic comedy (via @MizzerMark)

 

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Deadspin screenshot = swipe left (via @sturgytime)

 

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Tbone requested this one be in and I’ll be damned if I disappoint Barstool’s smut czar. Just blokes getting fellated by sheilas, gobby life in a nutshell

 

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How can you go “whites only” but not accept gingers? That’s about as white as it gets scientifically speaking, learn a thing or two Olga (via @TJ_Clifford)

 

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Sophia has no fucking clue how acronyms work

 

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Is it weird that I believe her? (via @poopydicknick)

 

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The far away look in that dog’s eyes couldn’t be a more perfect pairing (via @JimEgan88)

 

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Nothing says “easy going” like a dead animal and a smile (via @rsmiller22)

 

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If a little Seger with a girl’s name mixed in can’t moisten the panties, what can? (via @brussell23)

 

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Barstool commenters have to appreciate this one

 

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Reeeeeal interesting Tinder strategy here, hope it works out for these crazy kids and whichever of you dates them both (via @Chris__Maynard)

 

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Reminder: No matter how bad it seems for guys on Tinder, it’s worse for girls. They could be swiping right on Diaper Boy for all they know (via @Courtney__Hayes)

 

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This is why you always read the bio, swipe right for some big fake titties all of a sudden you’re bi curious pounding beans to fart on chicks before getting them pregnant (via @ConnorJClark)

 

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Pray for @ryan_shallow’s sense of self worth

 
 

 

And the hot/NSFW ones…

 

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I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out this giant breasted chick has an equally enormous cup she’s drinking out of AKA FIND ME THIS WOMAN IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE SHE’S THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

 

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Um. No one? (via @tonerforthewin9)

 

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Good manners AND her sock looks like a weird dildo shoved in her butt? You’d be rude not to (via @r_mcneil)

 

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Awkward, I usually wrap mine in bacon (via @DKBrown2017)

 

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(via Robert)

 

And this week’s cherry on top had to get taken down because the girls find this blog way too easily now, KEEP IT A SECRET GUYS JESUS. Thanks again to everyone sending stuff in, send me more on Twitter, and happy swiping!