[Source] - UCLA coach Cori Close — a self-avowed acolyte of John Wooden, the legendary parson of Pauley Pavilion — also presided over one of the two programs we discovered from last season that formally forbid visible hickeys. The other anti-love bite stickler? Texas Tech coach Marlene Stollings, who was recently fired over numerous player-abuse allegations first reported by USA Today and The Intercollegiate. Per Stollings’ mandate, Lady Raiders found with hickeys faced a mandatory sentence: “3 consecutive morning workouts with the performance coach.”
The putative fear of public embarrassment motivated this eye-catching rule from UConn’s perennial power men’s soccer program: “Proper use of bathroom facilities is always expected.”
In a telephone interview, head coach Ray Reid explained that the admonition was specifically meant to dissuade players from relieving themselves outdoors, following an incident, over two decades ago, where a player “went into the woods” to urinate after practice.
So this story broke today looking at a bunch of different rules across college sports. I should preface that in a previous life I was an SID (sports information director) at Vermont so I'm familiar with some of this. The social media stuff, no team dating is all pretty normal. That said, I found these two rules absolutely hilarious. The question though is which one is more absurd?
First we have UCLA women's basketball team having a strict no hickey rule. At 33 I get it. Hickeys are terrible. No one wants a hickey at this age. You have to hide it at work and shit. It just looks weird. Is it a bruise? Nope, some lady or fella was just sucking on your neck. Now if you show up to practice with a hickey in college? That's a bit different. That's college living. Who hasn't had a hickey in college? Even non-sex havers end up with at least one hickey by accident at least.
But peeing in the woods? That's natural baby! And to think that this rule was in place because someone pissed in the woods 20 years ago? Where are they supposed to go? Sometimes you can't make it back to the locker room to pee. You know what happens then? You look like this
You can't be playing soccer with a big ole pee stain. What happens if the chick you like from Accounting 101 shows up walking around the complex? You immediately become the guy who pissed himself and never get a chance for a hickey. Feel like peeing in the woods is a right. You see woods, you pee.
I'm going with the UConn soccer rule as the weirder one, but this is Barstool. Imagine the old school star voting and vote 1 for UCLA hickey rule or 10 for UConn peeing rule.