Your Week 1 Fantasy Football Good Juju Megablog
The fantasy football season has arrived. Researching, targeting the same "values" as the rest of your league because everyone read the same narratives, and the draft is over. Which means the most fun part of the fantasy season is over and now the real work/torture begins. Injuries, scouring the waiver wire, awful trade proposals, heartbreaking losses that would ONLY happen to you, and staring at your fantasy lineup trying to figure out which Flex player to start is all that's left during the next 16 weeks of hell that hurts so good.
Since I am a professional idiot that can barely keep his own fantasy team afloat, I cannot offer you any advice on who to start or sit this week. However, I can offer you some music that will make you feel good while you set your lineup. As my coworker Deion Sanders says, if you look good you feel good, if you feel good you play good. Well since it's Sunday morning, I imagine we all look like a bag of dicks. But I'll do my best to make you feel good which in essence should make a bunch of total strangers who don't even know you or know they are in your fantasy lineups play good.
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Forget all those people saying they don't care about your fantasy football team. Clem cares, if don't nobody else care. Fantasy football is the most important thing in many of our lives for the next four months. Which is why it's important that we fight off the anxiety of these hellacious never-ending mornings while replacing them with happy feeling and thoughts that could shoot our asses airborne in Never Neverland. As a jolly fat guy, I like to think I have a solid grip on what is and isn't good juju. In fact, I like to believe that simply giving a click to the profound round mound writing this blog gave you some positive mojo. Now here is a song to keep those good vibrations flowing while you input your Start/Bench decisions.
Week 1's Good Juju Song To Play While Setting Your Fantasy Football Lineup™ is...
"Rich Girl" by Hall and Oates
I'll come out and say that I only save Hall and Oates for the most important moments that require the best of karma and this song may have the most good vibes packed into it. But we all know that getting a Week 1win means sooooooooooo much to fantasy football players who are ready to smash the Panic button after an entire summer of grinding. If a 1 game losing streak becomes a 3 game skid, people are ready to cuncel da saeson. So we aren't going to get cute with Week 1. It's nothing but pure good juju uncut to your ears as you decide who to throw onto the virtual gridiron. So hit play, set the lineup, and trust the karma Gods to carry you through the stormy Sunday game seas.
Speaking of which, here are some of the big fantasy relevant injuries.
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I don't like having injury news on a fantasy juju blog so here is a palate cleanser of Jenny from The League since she may be the perfect woman/human/fantasy manager.
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Fun fact: She is also the girl Michael Scott fell in love with in the blood
Now let's send it over to the Clem Doppler 5 Zillion (which is SIGNIFICANTLY stronger than those dopplers in the thousands) to see what today's weather looks like around the league.
There are some slight chances for rain in Buffalo and Jacksonville but other than that we look pretty good. In fact, the only bad part about today's weather is that we are all going to feel like gigantic pieces of shit for sitting inside all day during what is maybe the most pleasant time of the year. However, will drown those feelings out with as much beer, wings, and pizza is necessary.
For anybody looking for gambling picks from a Barstool blogger, are you fucking blind? That's all we have here! For anybody looking for the 6 pack of weekly picks directly from Clem Island along with the requisite good juju gif, here you go!
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As always, lines are brought to you by our best friends at Penn National Gaming
Bears +2.5
Raiders -3
Colts -8
Washington National Football League Professional Football Team Of Football Players Paid To Play Football +5.5
Rams +2
Giants +6
For futures picks, check out my Clemstradamus blog since everything will change once today's games kick off and another click for me may be the juju you need to win your matchup this week:
Annnnnd I think that covers it. If you didn't pick up any good juju in a blog with The Rock, Hall And Oates, Jenny from The League, and the reunion at Zihuatanejo, you are probably a mush on the level of KFC. Actually let's wash off the bad juju that comes with that mush by believing in ourselves. Not only are you going to win this week but you are going to win so handily that you won't be sweating your dick off through the Sunday Night Football or Monday Night Football games.
Now say it along with me as we envision nothing but touchdowns and big plays from our fantasy teams this week!
P.S. If people in the comments wanna keep the juju rolling by giving out any info they picked up from the internet and/or from following the day-to-day news of their favorite, the Fantasy Gods just may shine down upon a little extra on you if you help out your fellow readers.