I don't spend as much time thinking about loofahs as you'd imagine. There's a certain amount of things in this world you can really sit and pontificate on and other things you just have to accept for what they are and move on. Until today I had loofas firmly in the latter category. It's a loofah. About 3.7 balls on the funny word scale. But other than that it's just a fancier sponge some people choose to wash their body with. Not a whole lot there to work with honestly. That was before 20 minutes ago. Now that I know they're plants I'll never stop thinking about loofahs and what other secrets you people have been hiding from me.
I don't know what I thought they were. Man made? From the ocean depths? Yet another big alien secret from the government? Again, this isn't something I ever felt the need to consider. But seeing this man peel back a squash and pull out fishscale loofah has my brain doing somersaults. We'll talk about how the guy who first spelled out somersaults didn't actually know how to spell another time, right now we're in loofah central with zero time for detours. Apparently if you harvest these motherfuckers early enough you can eat them. They're classified as a fibrous vegetable, a gourd relative. The thing in your shower you've been scraping the dead skin off your balls with is a vegetable. You've got a dead pumpkin collecting mildew in your shower right now, bro. You've been pouring your 9-in-1 bodywash into a summer squash and going to town on your backside for months. There's been a lot of unsettling news to come out of 2020 and this whole loofah fiasco just inserted itself into the conversation with record speed.