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Bella Thorne's OnlyFans Debut Earned Her $1 Million in 24 Hours

Last week it was my honor and privilege to announce the triumphant debut of Bella Thorne to OnlyFans:

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And part of that news was that the award-winning director off the Arbella Danger/Small Hands vehicle "Him & Her" was expected to make really good money doing god-knows-what for god-knows-whom on the internet:

Well it turns out those original projections were off slightly. And by slightly, I mean by a factor of 30:

Page Six - Bella Thorne broke a record on OnlyFans by earning $1 million on her first day on the paid subscription service.

According to a rep for OnlyFans, which is known for its X-rated content posted by mostly adult performers and influencers, the 22-year-old former Disney star is the first content creator on the platform to earn that much money in 24 hours. …

Thorne, has been quite active on her profile, responding to every DM and “getting to know her fans better and on a personal level,” we’re told.

The “Midnight Sun” star has also been using the platform to share personal content and never-before-seen photos and videos.

Reps told us Thorne’s rate is set at $20 a month for subscribers. Creators on OnlyFans receive 80 percent of their subscription revenue and tips from fans.

What a time to be alive. Take THAT, naysayers. All you Negative Nellys who say this is the worst time to be alive because we've got diseases and chaos and natural disasters and lawlessness and social division. All of which is true. But those things have never not existed throughout recorded time. They are they natural state of humanity.

What we have never had before now is OnlyFans. Or any other chance for a 22-year-old to earn a million dollars in one day, merely on the hope that she might show her lady parts or do personal things with herself for the amusement of strangers. Dwell on that for a moment. According to the federal government, the median income in the US in 2018 was $63,179. Which means it would take the typical American 15 years and 10 months to gross $1 million. Bella Thorne did it in a day while you and I were eating, watching Netflix and going to the bathroom. She didn't do it by getting a degree in biology and curing Covid-19, launching a capsule to the ISS or building some massive public works project that brings clean drinking water to some impoverished area. All of which are hard. She did it by being super attractive. 

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And so we're clear: Don't mistake anything I'm saying for sarcasm. I don't mind this at all. In fact, I celebrate it. She can make a $1 million/day off her physical appearance and I couldn't make a nickel unless some "Simpsons" theme park is looking for a Smithers. That's life. It's warped and self-defeating to resent someone taking advantage of a physical talent you don't have. And don't begrudge Thorne any more than I do say, Patrick Mahomes using his talent. It would be a sin not to. 

Besides, she's giving the people what they want. What they're willing to spend their own hard earned money on. She's providing them a service. Whatever that is. If anything, I feel bad for the pretty members of generations past who didn't have OnlyFans. Your Sophia Lorens and Racquel Welchs who might've made $10 million a day (adjusted for inflation) if only they could deliver their sex appeal straight to the public instead of making men of their time go to movie theaters and masturbate when they got home. 

Yes, we have our problems alright. But when a woman can be on a pace to make [extrapolating … doing the math …] $365 million a year without ever leaving her house, these are truly the best of times.